The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Defend Cleveland Browns…Fans

I watched the Browns game at home yesterday.  I used to have season tickets and sit in the Dawg Pound in the old stadium, but my ability to deal with The Great Unwashed that attend the games has become more limited.  As I watched the Browns get their pricks pounded into the dirt, the telecast cut to shots of those embarrassing fans all dressed up in dog ears, rubber masks, and other orange regalia.  It’s pretty tough to look good when your team has been out of the game since halftime.  There you are with a long face, drinking a beer in a plastic cup wearing floppy ears and a plastic bone necklace.  Ah, and your life once had so much promise.

I’m not sure when “supporting the team” changed from cheering at appropriate times to getting shitfaced and surly in a discount Halloween outfit. I read that account of Browns fan Rob Stipe that lost his tickets for “excessive standing”, and noted the backlash against the NFL for not taking care of the Common Fan.  “Poor Rob was just supporting his team!  It’s totally unfair!”  But let’s be honest here.  Don’t you secretly think that Rob probably lost his tickets because he was out of control, and the Browns PR Department said it was “excessive standing” because “acting like an asshole” doesn’t look very professional in a press release?  The Browns are interested in taking that guy’s money.  He obviously crossed some sort of line for the team to say, “It’s been a good run Rob, but we don’t think we want your ticket money any more.  See if you can get some Monsters tickets instead.  Regards, The Browns.”  If they know they can cut that guy loose and replace him with some other Rube that won’t piss off the entire section, why not?  I would, and you would too.

It’s interesting that people are under the impression that since they paid for a ticket, the complete environment is now at their disposal.  Someone is sitting 6 inches to your left and doesn’t want to hear you scream a tapestry of profanity at Chris Johnson?  “Hey man, I paid my money.”  It’s as if that ticket purchase excuses you from all socially acceptable behavior, and to question why the guy the next row down is throwing a cup of urine at the opposing team’s fans is “not being supportive”.  Barfing all over everyone around you?  Go Browns!  Why not extend that behavior into any location that you paid money for a ticket.  Why not just take a shit at the movie theater and wipe the excrement all over the walls like you are an angry chimp?  “Hey man.  If I want to wipe my shit on the wall, I can.  I paid for my ticket.”

I wouldn’t mind cruising down to the game, but who needs the hassle?  And don’t give me that bullshit about how that’s how “real fans” go to the game.  I can drink a few beers and stay in my shoes.  What’s with everyone else?  Why does every fourth person behave as if they are a sailor that just came off a 4 month submarine mission?  Have any of these people ever drank alcohol before?  It’s like Prom Night with bad teeth out there.  Would you ever go to the movies if it were the same experience?  “I wanted to go see “Moneyball”, but there’s so many drunks…  And the language!  There’s no way I can take my 9 year old son.  Every time Brad Pitt comes on screen, half the theater starts to chant “Asshole!  Asshole!  Maybe when he’s older we’ll go see it.”

I just stopped going all together.  You have to understand how it works.  The TV revenue is the key to the whole thing.  Once you realize that the in game revenues are just the whipped cream on the TV deal, you begin to realize that by going to the game you are just being part of a studio audience, just like if you went to see a taping of ‘The Price Is Right’.  They need you in those seats going crazy for the reaction shots after a big play.  If you dress up like a giant dog, that’s even better.  Those franchises are printing money by providing “television content”.  They should be paying you to endure all the assholes, not the other way around.  Go Browns.


-Greg Miller

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Posted by on Oct 3 2011. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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