The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Browns, version 3-3

I think it’s time for all of us to take a break from this Browns football nonsense.  Amazingly, over 26% of all households in NE Ohio had that abomination of a football game on their TV last Sunday afternoon.  I think all of us, even thee in thy rubber dog mask, can agree that last Sunday was a total waste of time.  To think that over a quarter of all your friends and neighbors were watching that, while a fine program like a Little House on the Prairie re-run goes unwatched by all but .3% of the population, and it brings me to despair.  To think of the valuable life lessons you could have been taught by Half-Pint and Pa…  And it would have only taken an hour!

The Browns have not had a legitimately good team since 1994 when Belichick took them to 11-5.  They had a +136 point differential, and won games with authority.  Oh, by the way, don’t even mention that fluky 2007 year when they went 10-6.  The point differential was +20 and we all knew that thing was a mirage.  So let’s say 1994 was the last good team.  That was 17 years ago.  SEVENTEEN.  The last run they had at being recognized as a good NFL franchise was 1986-1988 with Marty as coach.  That was TWENTY THREE YEARS AGO.

Let’s look at this thing logically.  Instead of watching what I think we can all agree is basically an unwatchable spectacle of a football team, what if you had invested that time into carpentry?  Where would you be now?  You would have whittled a 32 foot fucking sailboat and sailed to Bora Bora by now, that’s where you would be.  Put 23 years into practicing guitar, and you are the guy replacing whatever hippie dope the Red Hot Chili Peppers snagged for the latest tour.  So, instead of flying around in a private jet with a super model giving you and hand duker in the back lounge, you are grilling hot dogs in the rain in the Muni Lot with your Father-In-Law.  Let’s be honest here.  You have been wasting your time.

The only reason I can think of to watch this horrifying visage of a professional sports franchise is to gamble wildly on the outcome (i.e. “making your own fun”).  Still, I don’t know if I even have to go into last week do I?  Browns -3?  Yep…  A push.

I’ll see you at my guitar lesson at Sam Ash this Sunday.


– Greg Miller

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Posted by on Oct 27 2011. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

4 Comments for “Browns, version 3-3”

  1. M. Charlton

    O.k., but how, exactly, is this article supposed to be about “Defending Cleveland”? The title of this blog should simply be “Cleveland Sports Talk”.

    • Mike James

      Fair enough, however, technically speaking, this is a featured column for the Defend Cleveland Show called “Greg Miller on Sports”. And, he has been given freedom to write as he sees fit simply because, he cracks us up.

      • Mr. James is a non-apologetic homer. I am not. I provide the refreshing counter point to his often lunatic sounding (to me) rantings. It is only by looking at things with my unflinching clarity that we can hope to move ahead. I am the shot of cheap tequila next to his warm fizzy beer. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to learn “Smoke On the Water” for my guitar lesson on Sunday.

        • Mike James

          Who’s Greg Millet? Is that French? Or is it simply one letter “u” instead of an “i” from being just another outer rim-job?

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