The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Top 20 Things Cavs Fans Should Fear Most With No NBA Season


With no end to the NBA lockout in sight and the very real potential of there being no season at all, here’s a DC Show listing of what Cavaliers fans should fear the most. Be afraid, Cleveland, be very afraid…

1. That the Browns announce they’ll play 16 more games to help fill the void.

2. That Quickens Loan Arena with no basketball decides to book “82 nights of Trans-Siberian Orchestra” instead. And every show sells out.

3. That without Lebron James and the Miami Heat to hate all season, the winter in Cleveland somehow feels even colder.

4. That coach Byron Scott calls it quits realizing he’d much rather be playing golf than have to coach another woefully bad team.

5. That Moondog is put down because a 6′ tall dog with no home is deemed too dangerous.

6. That Sports Time Ohio announces they’ll re-air the Cavs 19 win season from last year in its entirety.

7. That Austin Carr with too much time on his hands comes up with catch phrases that make absolutely no sense at all.

8. That it turns out former Cavs great turned racing analyst Brad Daugherty was right all along, NASCAR is better than the NBA.

9. That Anderson Varejao retires from basketball to join an Occupy Movement saying he just wants to play bongos and be free.

10. That the charity games some Cavs players busy themselves with during the lockout turn out to all be for a charity for locked out NBA players.

11. That the Canton Charge, the new Cavalier operated Developmental League franchise, turns out to be a better team than the Cavs.

12. That Dan Gilbert hangs out with the Dolan’s and comes back with a new strategy on how best to build a winner; one that doesn’t involve spending money.

13. That Ryan Hollins is still the Cavs starting center when the lockout ends.

14. That the Cavs ‘Scream Team’ goes out without a whimper.

15. That ‘The Fan’ and KNR sees no games played as simply the Cavs not winning and yell everyday about how Byron Scott and GM Chris Grant should be fired.

16. That with no Taco Bell “Free Chalupa” promotions for Cavs games, in having to pay for them we figure out Chalupas taste like shit.

17. That it turns out we like hockey more than basketball.

18. That Dan Gilbert hires Peyton Hillis to handle all team public relations. And Hillis releases the statement he’s “truly humbled by the offer.”

19. That Nick Gilbert famously asking “What’s not to like?”, turns out to be a whole bunch.

20. That in the end we realize we just don’t care anymore.

– Mike James









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Posted by on Nov 17 2011. Filed under Featured, Show Reports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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