The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Browns Version 4-8, and better ways to spend your Sunday

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I have a great new game you should play with your friends.  It’s called “If the Browns Were A…?” game.  It’s easy and a great way to spend time if you somehow get shanghaied into watching one of those horrible displays of athletic prowess by the shores of Lake Erie.  Let’s say you are sitting in a steady drizzle in 45 degree weather watching a bunch of guys not play football very well.  You’ll need something to entertain you.  It works like this…

If the Cleveland Browns were a restaurant, it would be Church’s Chicken on the Indiana turnpike.  If the Browns were a rock band, they would be Night Ranger with a bad sound man.  If the Browns were a car, they would be a 1978 AMC Pacer with a broken 8-track player.  If the Browns were a movie, they would be Caddyshack II.  If the Browns were a beer, they would be warm Meisterbrau.  If the Browns were a juice drink, they would be Clamato in a plastic sippy cup.  If the Browns were a comedian, they would be Joe Piscopo doing 2 hours of stand-up in a VFW hall.

It’s a great game, and it doesn’t have to ever end.  Much like the inability of certain people in Berea to field a competitive football team in the NFL.

It really is time to look at alternative ways of spending your Sundays.  If you think about it, weren’t you really happier from 1996-1998?  Living here in NE Ohio is brutal enough.  Why add to your burden by getting emotionally involved in one of the worst sports franchises in the entire Free World?  The Browns will NEVER be any good.  EVER.  It took less time to build the Great Pyramids in Egypt than it has to rebuild this football team.  Then again, the Pharaohs must have had an eye for talent and put those people in a position to win unlike Randy Lerner, Mike Holmgren and Co.

What if we just shut down the Browns after this season?  Bulldoze the Stadium.  Shutter the practice facilities.  What if that land was converted into a park and we never spoke of what happened on that site to anyone?  Treat it like the house where the Manson Family murders happened.  You plant enough flowers and people will come to that space again.  You won’t have as many men urinating in public, but that will probably be good for the flowers anyway.

While I am relaxing in my home this evening watching my beloved Chargers, I suggest those of you that remain Browns fans consider this proposal.  The team is not building anything.  They are not moving ahead.  Colt McCoy is not the answer.  They do not have any legitimate offensive players in any of the skill positions.  They are dead last in rushing defense after putting their entire organizational focus on creating a defense that can stop the run.  If they managed to somehow stumble into drafting All-Pro players with every pick next year, it still wouldn’t fill the holes on that team.

It is hopeless…


-Greg Miller

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Posted by on Dec 5 2011. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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