The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Beating the Odds of Meaningless Bowl Games

 

The College Bowl schedule is the biggest sham in sports.  Let’s see if we can follow the logic of it…

All Division One teams play a full season of games.  If they lose even one, they will probably not be invited to play for the mythic National Championship.  If their record is pretty good, or if they are around .500 and travel well, they will be invited to play in an otherwise meaningless game approximately one month after they finished playing their regular season and the “student athletes” should theoretically be on break like all the other students.  The invited schools lose money, as they have to buy a shitload of unwanted tickets at face value just to get in, much like a two drink minimum a Midwestern auto parts rep has to pay at a strip club in Vegas.   The Bowl Games make money since they sell their broadcast rights, and pocket the sponsorship sales.

These games are holiday television programming for degenerate gamblers (like myself) to offer an alternative to the Chipmunks Xmas Special and Hallmark Hall of Fame tearjerkers.  Well, maybe not all of them.  For example, who could live without the rich tradition and the fierce rivalry of when Marshall beat Florida International at the “Beef O’Brady Bowl” in St Pete Florida?  Ah, the pageantry of college football!  How about those alleged 24,000 fans that saw Temple stick it to Wyoming at the “Gildan New Mexico Bowl” in Albuquerque?  When 9-4 Temple lines up against 8-5 Wyoming, you can toss the record books out the window!  They’ll sell you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!1

Remember how all the games used to go off on New Year’s Day, and it was actually interesting to see this orgy of football?  Now all the “big” games run for a week, providing non-competitive television programming for the male 25-54-target audience.  Does it make sense that in consecutive days you can watch the Rose, Sugar, Orange, Cotton, BBVA Compass Bowl, GoDaddy.com Bowl, and then the BCS Championship Game?  Of course it does!  What drop off in quality teams?  Why wouldn’t you put Arkansas St v N. Illinois directly in front of LSU v Alabama?  I say “no problem”.  Frankly, you might as well schedule that there as opposed to Wisconsin v Oregon, because both games are completely and totally meaningless.

Like many of you, I will look for opportunities to make the meaningless games interesting by placing a friendly wager or five on them.  I used to really get my ass kicked on these until I devised this “Can’t Miss System”.2

I believe there are three (3) real keys to winning these bets.  Why only three?  For the most part, these guys don’t give a fuck if they win or lose.  This is a trip out of town where they will eat a bunch of free team dinners and try to score with some strange chicks in business class hotels.  Where normally TCU would handle La Tech with ease, the 11-2 Frogs probably didn’t give a shit about playing in the “San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl” on Dec 17.  I know I wouldn’t have.  Hence, they won but sure as shit didn’t cover.  Then again, they might totally outclass anyone by just showing up.  Who the hell knows what these stupid jock college kids have going on in their heads?  So how can you win these games?  Go to “The System”….

1)      Always bet on the team with lots of potential NFL players in rounds 3-6.  Guys that are going to get first round money are not going to kill themselves in the GoDaddy.com Bowl.  They know they are going first round.  They don’t want to get hurt.  But guys that are on the bubble?  Those guys want some great film, as everyone will remember how that guy brought it in his last game but will now forget how he may have loafed on Sept 8th vs. New Mexico State.  Look for teams with great athletes that hardly even pretend that they go to school as well.  We’re looking for borderline criminals here…  Virginia Tech, Oregon, Pitt, Baylor, and Florida State are good choices…

2)      Always bet on the team with the uptight prick of a coach.  While the other team is laughing it up at team banquets and riding rides at Disney, these coaches will have their guys running drills in the heat and back in bed at 7:45p.  Look for coaches that want everyone to be as miserable as they are…  Penn State, South Carolina, and Georgia come to mind.  Ohio State will be a go-to as soon as Urban Myer sucks the fun out of football for those dudes on the team.

3)      Bet against teams that couldn’t care less and don’t have either the “uptight prick” or “NFL draft” factor.  You want teams that always go to a Bowl, but really underachieved this year.  Look for teams that immediately stopped caring after they lost that big season defining game back in mid November.  I would bet against Florida, Texas, and Auburn.

College Football:  Where Every Game Matters!

Or

College Football:  Where Only One Game Matters.  Kind of.

Happy wagering.

 

-Greg Miller

Read more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

 

  1. BTW, there are so many comp tickets floating around for these games, the question becomes did ANYONE pay for a ticket with the exception of the universities duped into playing the game itself?  It’s easier to get into one of those games free than it would be to get into a studio audience for a Judge Joe Brown taping. []
  2. Disclaimer: I don’t really know what I am talking about, but this system is probably better than going with the usual “pick the favorite” gambit. []

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Posted by on Dec 28 2011. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

1 Comment for “Beating the Odds of Meaningless Bowl Games”

  1. chris

    OSU lost the big game, had a shit year and have nothing to play for except the posibility of NFL draft positioning. lot of factors playing in. FL has nothing to play for either… this is a coin toss.
    Buckeyes.. those that aren’t seniors… are just wanting to stay healthy for 2012.

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