The DEFEND Cleveland Show

5 Good Reasons to Hate ‘Mike and Mike’

 

As a man with a variety of rage and anger issues, I realize that it is inherently self destructive to allow a radio show to fill me with all the negative side effects of the aforementioned rage/anger.  However, there is no way even the most centered individual could listen to “Mike and Mike” on ESPN and not have to breathe deeply and go to their “happy place” after 10 minutes of banter between the hosts.  I heard a rumor that the Dalai Lama told a cab driver to “turn that shit off” when Mike Golic pretended to be mad at “Greeny” about some vanilla point one of them was making.

There are many reasons to hate “Mike and Mike”, but here’s what I believe are the key reasons…

1)      I don’t know the exact date when it happened, but there was a particular date in which those two guys thought they were funny and possibly comedians.  This was an error in judgment of gigantic proportions.  No one is less funny than Mike Greenberg.  I’d rather watch Idi Amin do standup than listen to Greenberg try to be funny.

Those two guys remind me of guys you are forced to chuckle along to at places like neighborhood block parties, work functions, and job interviews.  It’s like when you are introduced to the “crazy” guy at the office, and you have to pretend he’s wild when it turns out he drank a pitcher of beer by himself at Chi-Chi’s once, and may have worn a funny hat at an Xmas party.  “Whoa!  Better keep my eye on you there, Greeny!”

 2)      These two guys may be the biggest pussies in broadcasting.  There is no better demonstration of this than when they make a “wager” on something.  “OK Golic…  If the Jets don’t win this weekend, I will wear a Patriots jersey all day Monday.  But if they do… You have to wear my Jets hat!”

Are you fucking kidding me?  These guys are broadcasting primarily to middle aged men who love sports.  You know what kind of bets most guys in that audience make?  Wouldn’t it be refreshing to hear these guys be like the actual men in their prospective audience?

“OK Golic, if the Jets don’t win this weekend I owe you Five Grand and you get to shit in my car.  If the Jets DO WIN, you owe me five grand and you have to get a hand duker from a tranny hooker while wearing a Patriots cap.”

3)      It can’t be just me that realizes that this “Mutt N Jeff” act of theirs is totally contrived.  Can we assume that everyone listening is aware that they have pre planned which side of every “issue” they are on prior to broadcast?

Hey, Greeny thinks Rob Gronkowski shouldn’t have been ripping his shirt off on the dance floor after his team lost the Super Bowl ten minutes ago?  What?  What?!  Golic is going to weigh in from “the player’s perspective” and say it’s OK?  Uh-oh!  Better batten down the hatches!  Here they go again!  Will they ever get along?

4)      All of the previous reasons are enough to hate these two talentless dorks, but nothing is worse than the overly familiar nicknames they use at every opportunity.  The only redeeming quality of their show is the lineup of guests that the ESPN brand is able to leverage.  However, if you want to get the information these guests have, you’ll have to sit through painful cutesy nicknames to get it.

Giants punter Jeff Feagles called in one time, and I swear to God, Golic said something like:  “Feagues!  Thanks for calling in, Feagues.  Feagues, you’ve been in the league a long time, so Feagues, what’s it like on game day this late in the season?”  Why is Golic trying to convince us that he is overly familiar with Mr. Feagles, hence referring to him as “Feagues” as often as possible?  Does the audience not feel like the information from the Giants punter worthy unless it is known that Golic speaks to him like he was eleven?

Those guys call Cris Carter “CC” so often, it’s like they are having a contest with each other to see who can be more chummy.  “CC…  You know more than anyone CC, that when a play has to be made the Giants throw down the field.  So CC, what will they do Sunday?  CC, how will it break down?”  What’s wrong with his given name “Cris” anyway?  It’s one less syllable.  It’s his actual name.  To me, I think it works, no?  Is this “CC” thing a way for Greenberg to insinuate that he and Cris Carter drive around in limos together and troll for Supermodel ass when “CC” comes to The City?

It’s like they went to one of those Dale Carnegie classes where they tell you people like to hear their own name, so you should repeat it as often as possible.  “Thank you for your time today, Jim.  Jim, what are you looking for in your next copier?  Jim, if I can provide that, will you take it today?”  With the added element of the uncreative nickname, these guys just seem like they are the geeky outsiders trying to hang out with the jocks at the “cool lunch table”.

“Hey CC!  CC!  I got you a Dr Pepper!  You want it?  You want it?”

5)      My teeth immediately get set on edge when I hear “Hey Greeny!”  followed by “Yes Golic.”.  The dated idea of Mike Golic being the “big dumb jock with a heart of gold” while Greenberg is the “knowledgeable wispy wiseacre” is tough enough.  However, much worse is the idea that “they argue like cats and dogs, but deep down they love each other like brothers”.  This act is the worst national morning show currently on the air.  If they just went to flowing their guests through the program without trying to instill their paper thin personalities into it, the show would improve dramatically. However, either some dopey agent or program director must have decided that they needed to be “personality driven”.

Speaking from experience, almost every program director and/or agent has no better idea of what to do on radio than your basic standard sized poodle.  Let’s let instinct and common sense rule the day, and somebody tell these guys to stop with the wacky vaudeville act already. It’s enough.

If not for me, think of the Dalai Lama.

 

-Greg Miller

Read more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Short URL: http://www.defendclevelandshow.com/?p=824

Posted by on Feb 13 2012. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

61 Comments for “5 Good Reasons to Hate ‘Mike and Mike’”

  1. John

    thank you man, great article i hate these guys too

  2. Michael Garcia

    I think the episode when greeny su**ed off golic really showed their chemistry

    • Wade Collins

      Damn I discovered this 4 years later. Hilarious! Bravo, the act is so gay. Green is now convinced that he will be cooler if he gets his haircut every few weeks,. and floated the idea with the big idiot. how frigging pathetic is a man who needs to discuss his hair cut schedule. Nancy!

  3. joseph

    hahahaha this is awesome. i hate when those two fools try to be funny.

  4. mark

    Thanks for your post about these two (especially) Greenberg’s narcissistic drivel. I liked them years back but it is so contrived. I hate that these two miss all flyover country and the West coast. Glad in Colorado we can provide vacations to their families, yet they rarely mention anything outside of the North East corridor. These narcissistic dweebs should be made to work in homeless shelters and shut up for 2-3 years.

  5. j flatty

    Couldn’t.have been.said.better- & as a big time.eagles fan I have lost all respect for golic who used to play for eagles- and that other guy..shwew what a complete talent-less dork

  6. matt montana

    Thank you!! I fckn hate these guys! They ate the worst and I dont know how they stay on the air!

  7. Joe W.

    Concur! I actually don’t hate Greenburg, but Golic is the biggest, most undeserving buffoon in sports. He says, and adds, nothing!

  8. This is the highest rated sports show in the world. They are doing more right than wrong. Get off your high horse and just enjoy the show. By the way, Mike Golic has a degree from Notre Dame University. On his dumbest day he would make most of us look like buffoons. Or here’s another idea: change the channel. How,does someone who hates a show know so much about it? Maybe the author and negative commenters are the idiots… Not Mike and Mike. hmm?

    • Greg

      Dean, I immediately lost respect for you and thought you were stupid when I read “by the way, Mike Golic has a degree from NotreDame University. On his dumbest day he would make most of us look like buffons.”

      Yeah because I’m sure he went there on academic scholarship and then went to med school and is now chief resident at Mass General.

      What a moron you are.

    • Wade Collins

      So we know now that you’ve been blowing Golic,you humorless twit.

  9. Roger

    All of the comments in article are correct.When fat hog Golic talks about his crappy kids,his lazy (housewife) overly protective ugly wife,his loud untalented boys right away radio goes off.Green is a wimp with a lazy (no job) wife.When is Dungy going on radio? He is perfect on show Another cluck.

  10. Roger

    M and M are clowns.Golic is a FAT HOG.Talking about dougnuts and his clown failure football bum sons.Green is wimp whose wife is lazy housewife.

  11. Dusty

    Can someone please count the number of times Golic says “Listen…” in one show? He cannot start a sentence without saying “Listen” first.

    • Jake

      as well as his use of the adjective “stunning.” He and Greenbag sit there back and forth going on and on about how “stunning” something as simple as a zip lock bag is

  12. Joe Smith

    My only problem with them is that they go off topic for too long. I don’t mind 20 second tangent, but their tangents go on for too many minutes.

  13. Jake

    What makes me ill to the core of my being is that whiny little p@ssy using some “friend’s” cancer death to try and sell his terrible novel. I knew he was using it just to get published and hopefully build an audience of mindless pawns. And what happens on October 1 of this year? He announces the release of another new novel. Never mind the importance of Breast Cancer Awareness month. “Hey everyone, look at me and my crappy new book!” And this time instead of all of the profits, an unspecified “portion” will go to breast cancer research.
    The creepy little narcissist wants to be Mitch Albom but knows he has to rely on deceptive charity scams rather than talent to get people to read his books.

  14. scott g

    Glad to see Im not alone. I cant stand these guys. I cant stand the format. I cant stand the guests. I cant stand that every morning is a “busy” morning. Give me a break. 4 Hours? But the breaking point for me is when these guys start talking about how sexy they think they are. I dont care if Greeny can grow a beard. I dont care who his wife is. I dont care that Golic shaves his privates, or walks nude at a nudist beach, or likes to sit in his living room naked. If anything, these are warning signs that these dudes need help. They dont deserve this gig. Please, Please – ESPN Please, find anybody else.

  15. scott g

    One word Bal-Biz? What is up with that? She might be hot, but why do we need a frumpish help desk intern asking stupid sports questions to 2 dorks? Its like they cant dumb it down any further. But they still try.

  16. scott g

    Oh. I forgot. This is to Golic. Here’s the thing. Count how many times you have to remind us that you “get it”.” I get it”,” I get that”. Smart people do not have to tell thier audience they “get it”. The audience should be able to tell if you “get it”. You dont get it. You are apparently extremely insecure about your intellect. Therefore, Like a Loner Loser who has to give himself a nickname, because no one else will, you have to remind us that you “get it”.

    You dont.

  17. Bryant

    Thank you! I am so glad that I am not the only one. It has become so repetitive and predictable. They talk about one sport (football) which is fine and all but if they are going to focus on one sport, please do not talk about just one topic for half a week.

    Beyond that, you definitely called the fact that the banter is all totally fake and scripted. And I’m surprised you didn’t mention the “teases” that they throw out. No… you will not tell me more about the “reaction” in just 30 seconds after this word from ____ . I guarantee it gets its ratings incidentally from being the morning show on ESPN during the drive to work. It can’t NOT get ratings being in that broadcast spot.

  18. Joel

    I totally agree…these guys are making $2 mil a yr and they want to make these bullshit bets…and i wonder how much they really know about sports…they have laptops right there in front of them looking up info or someone off camera will pass them info..anyone who really watches all sports and follows and studies players, teams, stats, and facts in General can do what they do…I would love to do what they do and they could pay me $60,000.00 a yr and I would be content…Greenberg went to northwestern for journalism (a funking writer) but because he went to college and watched sports he’s got the career of a life time…and Holocene played football…I bet I can ask him 5 questions about hockey and tennis and he wouldn’t know shit unless someone gave him the answers of camera…Holocene will always agree with Greenberg of the question is not about football because he doesn’t know the answer…I just can’t stand how all these sport anchor sons a bitches can make millions to sit behind a desk and ask former pro players what they think and to suck up and agree with them like they really no what the answer is…they can look it up right there they all have laptops let someone ask them questions live and see how many of them can answer correctly…Jim Rome makes $30 mil a yr ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME…the way he talks about some of these athletes it’s amazing they ain’t waiting outside to whoop is punk ass…but that’s just me

  19. mike

    All these haters seem to know a ton about this show. Is it a bit contrived, yes, but so is sports center and I still watch. Isn’t the point in a sports program the quality of the guests? They get top notch panels and that’s what I look for. I’ll continue to listen and watch while you haters continue to watch and listen and hate. Don’t get it.

  20. Sammy

    Like everything else on ESPN the Mike & Mike show is dated, annoying, and hard to watch/listen to more than 5-10 minutes. That goes for 90% of their programming.

  21. LJAY

    How can you OMIT the way greeny has to tease everything b4 a 15 minute commercial break!

    “I’ve got the secret to the draft…after this hour long message from progressive”

    Do you know who the Patriots REALLY won the super bowl? This coming right up..on the other half of the break.

  22. Dennis

    I second everything said here and add the following…how many times per day does the insecure pussy Greeny need to start a question to an athlete with some variation of: “I never played professional sports but…” Or “as someone who played professionally you can certainly answer this better than me because I only dreamed of it as a kid”. Hey dick head one look at you and every listener can tell you played nothing but grab ass in the locker room as a kid. Oh, and does everyone remember his pathetic begging for the MNF football announcing job during his show? The couple of preseason games or arena games they let him do were literally the WORST announcing ever including that broad who does college football on ESPN 2 some Saturdays.

  23. chuck

    The constant stuttering of Golic.

  24. rick

    They work for ESBN ….that is the eastern sports biased network!!

  25. steve

    Couldn’t agree more. I wonder whose ass Golic kissed to get the job. He stutters every time he starts a sentence ( I I I can’t believe…..And and and the flip side is… ). And the worst is when Greenberg is speaking he has to chime in constantly with this crappy “Yeah”, “Right”, “Uh huh”, as if Greenberg needs him to validate everything he says. Neither of these buffoons could diagram a pick and roll, but they’re experts on any sports topic.The personal crap they talk about is just plain for pussies and they’re too self absorbed to realize that we don’t turn on sports radio to hear that crap. When you sum it up, all they do is give their opinions on sports, the same stuff you can hear in any sports bar.

  26. RG

    If you guys hate them so much, why even watch or pay attention? If they are so terrible, listen to Fox or an alternative. I guess Haters are always going to hate. But seriously, no matter how bad you think they are they still raise a substantial amt of money for 3 or 4 awesome charities.

    • Eric

      Couldn’t agree more. Nobody forces anybody to watch anything. You know all of these negative posts are from jealous assholes

  27. Len

    Totally agree! And what’s with Greeny? The beard, wears black or gray constantly! Is he going for the “tough guy” look??? Not to mention Golic w- ” I get it” over & over! It just proves my belief, you do not need two host for a good sports show! The best ones either TV or radio have one host.. I.E. Colin Cowherd, Ben Maller, Mike Frances, bottom line: ” TWOS A CROWD”!

  28. gschubert

    All of you Mike & Mike ball washers need to get a life. These 2 stiffs have absolutely no control of their show because they work for ESPN. It’s so obvious the banter is rehearsed and they have zero input on who their daily guests will be. They are chosen by that overbearing station. Do you really think they enjoy kissin ass to that dickhead Dick Vitale. They are scared shitless to speak their mind. ESPN is dangerous.

  29. What I hate the most is that they think they’re funny. A preview for this Monday’s episode is that Golic or Greenberg went to a concert this weekend and is going to sing a song for us. How absurd! They’re like a co-worker who tries way too hard to be funny and comes off as super annoying. SVP and Russillo was the only tolerable ESPN radio show and now SVP is gone.

  30. Cletus

    I just can’t tolerate the high pitch whining they devolve into whenever they try to argue. It’s like an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia absent the humor and wit.

  31. Shawn

    I turn the channel when Greeny starts dancing, shaking, or whatever that is he does when music begins playing. He looks so girly, can’t stand it.

  32. Al in Rockville

    The show in unbearable to the point I actually cringe if I accidentally catch a few seconds of it. Curious though, what do you like in terms of national sports radio shows? For me, it’s the Steve Czaban Show on Yahoo.

  33. RQ

    I agree these Guys are unfunny and Gush over Cris Carter as if he paid there salaries

  34. Shane N.

    I enjoy M&M, some stuff is a little much at times, but overall it’s alright.

    The one thing that makes me change station/channel immediately is when they have Cris Carter on! OMFG, he drives me absolutely crazy, he is a no it all pos, he thinks because he overcame addiction he is some godly human who only speaks facts!

    They should bring on Herm Edwards, Mark Schlereth, anyone other than “CC”

    Dan Le Batard or Russillo & Kanell best shows on ESPN.

  35. Jon

    I like the show, but how about every nick name ending in -ey. Like herbey, greeny, hermie, hogey, krukie, scheftie. Come up with a creative nick name Green-EY.

  36. Raoul Duke

    Filling in for Golic today is CC. He and Greenblatt are performing cunnilingus on each other.

  37. SpencerNose

    The Worst day to listen to these guys is the day after a Jets game. It is literally a NY Jets postgame show for 4 Flipping Hours! i may suffer thru them other days–But refuse to watch or listen to Jets Bull!!

  38. john

    They were placating to the ridiculous Missouri movement over nothing. They had a guy on saying “Open Racism is easy to see but hidden racism is the problem.” What The Fuck.

  39. truth

    Enjoy how Greenberg gets in his “serious voice” when discussing the likes of Lebron James in his “I can’t breath shirt” Missouri, or the Michael Sam’s “announcement”. You can expect no real analysis, but their “middle age white male constructed concern” of “carrying the weight of seriousness” in the moment. As if they are apart of some “moment.” Case in point – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZYA7La_u6w … their “take on Misosuri” .. referencing riots in LA… zero connection. ” Social conscious”… “if you refuse to engage in discussion… blah blah blah.. Not a single fact to back up any of his white guilt. He knows the black players would have his testicles if he went “against the movement.” Essentially preserving his own sack. He doesn’t want black folk mad at him; so he simply follows the PC hostage taking motions: do not disagree based on forensic facts, FBI statistics, or any relevant material to reference. Be the white clowns in the morning. Act stupid and be the voice of a network that celebrated the greatness of an ex-olympian who went from a dude to a chick. Bravo.

  40. Eddie

    Get over it, seriously! If they are “So Annoying and Talentless” why even watch them? Reading through just a few of these comments it is pretty clear that most of those that posted know quite a bit about the show, knowledge you would only have from watching the show regularly! Agreed, Greeny can come off as a analytical sports nerd who’s only experience with what it takes to be a professional athlete is what OTHER athletes tell him it takes from their personal experiences, and I don’t like how he at times talks down to Golic as if he has to dumb shit down and break everything down to him like he was trying to explain algebra to his 12 year old kid! I know Golic has this label of being a complete buffoon and a cave man, but, I’m not saying he is brilliant,but he is much more intelligent then people give him credit for. The point is, for ALL the hate of these 2 guys and their show, these same “haters” sure do know ALOT about said show, if you hate it SOOO MUCH, if it makes you SOOO ANGRY to listen…….why the hell do you listen?

  41. Markw

    Mike and Mike is absolutely terrible. These guys are impossible to listen to for even a few minutes. Completely lame and gutless stance on everything. These guys are also the least interesting people ever. All we want is real analysis, and interesting interviews. Won’t happen with these hacks.

  42. handsomeblackladdiebrad1953

    They’re among the self-righteous a**-holes who hate Johnny Manziel,saying they wouldn’t have drafted the 2013 Heisman Trophy winner because of his style and mechanics (as if they can’;t be fixed),and,like the rest of the humourless “No Fun League” (remember,boys:Pride goeth before a fall,the like of which the “Shield” isn’t many years from experiencing),belive Manziel is a borderline thug instead of an immature kid who will now be traded by “Clowns” new sucker-err,HEAD COACH Hue Jackson to likely Dallas to prove or disprove himself as a franchise QB.
    Anyway,ESPN ITSELF blows chunks,but those two birds are the suckiest!!!!

  43. Fuck me running are those two horrible. I was on a road trip with my buddy and he insisted we listen to it every morning. I’m a morning person and I tell you it ruined me every morning. I would rather shit in my hands and rub it in my hair then listen to those two ass clowns…..horrible

  44. Tim

    For the most part I listen for the guests. Not “CC” or the slew of coaches but the real atheletes. Turn the channel moments are there for sure. The wives, the kids all have jobs through the mother ship. But as with any four hour show pick out what you like and turn it off for the rest. They at least don’t have “Terance from Medesto” dropping a call in the jungle. That show sucks!!!

  45. Kevin W

    There is nothing so stupid as someone complaining about others being unlikeable, and in doing so, being completely unlikeable themselves. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  46. bill

    I used to love this show. over the last few years Greeny has shown that he is a total pussy and needs to give his man card back. Listening to him talk about his lack of ability to change a tire of cook on a grill is embarrassing. Its bad enough espn has too many female reporters to have a feminized male like greenie is even worse.

  47. Truth

    These guys are cancer.

  48. martin lopez

    Talentless hacks. Lebartard at least has something to think about…and a bit funny as well. M@m are as boring and repetitive as it can possibly get…a waste of airspace.

  49. I hate Golic , But not as bad as this NFL.Com writer named Dan Hanzus That dude don’t get It either. Funny 3 yrs later these clowns are still kicking It on TV

  50. Inadvertently stumbled across this while searching to see if anyone else heard Chris Carter saying “F*****g” on The Herd this morning. God, your perspective was as refreshing and valid today, as it was 4 years ago. I used to watch them. Enjoyed Greenie when he was a local reporter in Chicago. Was happy for his big opportunity with ESPN. I used to watch Mike and Mike. Now… I despise their show to the point where that I DVR both Undisputed and First Take. I watch one that evening and the other the following morning (4:30 am) while I ready for work. This way I don’t have to listen to a 10 minute preamble about their household’s b4 they begin to talk sports. I could give a rat’s ass about their excruciatingly boring families or their off-at lives. The show reminds me of a bunch of middle-aged, p****-whipped, crusty, white guys (yes, I’m black, no, I’m not prejudiced. Trust me I’m not) with not an iota of wit, sitting in the backyard during a cookout, blowing off steam out of wife’s earshot. Although I’ve grown sick of Stephen A Smith’s act and ego at least his insights are pointed and generally excellent. Perhaps if the show weren’t 2 1/2 hrs. it wouldn’t be filled with so much banal bullshit and the producer would actually do his job and reign their BS in. In any case, thank you years later, for pointing out 5 of 25 reasons their show should be tightened up or cancelled.

  51. Kyle Moore

    Didn’t realize it was supposed to be a very show
    It’s a sports talk show and I enjoy them the limited time I listen. If you don’t like them how come all you people know so much about them.

  52. James

    Haha!! I hate it when Fat Ass Golic says..WITHOUT QUESTION!! Like you can take it to the bank because the all knowing half whit Golic says so!! Combine both their brains and you might get a half

  53. handsomeblackcowboybrady1953

    Golic and Greenberg,whose show will end in December,now actually hate each other after being boys for so many years.Perhaps the lads will beat up each other before or even during a show.
    (it’d be GREAT if little Greeny punched out oaf Golic,though Golic’s brothers would likely gang up on poor Greeny..Anyway,they don’t suck,but take themselves FAR TOO SERIOUSLY!!!!
    Bye,bye,boys!!!!!)

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