The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Your 2012 Cleveland Browns…


The week before the NFL season starts does give almost every fan the false belief that this could be the year.  Most cities will field a competitive team, with ten to twelve teams you can create a somewhat believable scenario in which they win it all.  Hell, I can give you a logical storyline where the Giants, Philly, Green Bay, Detroit, Chicago, New Orleans, Atlanta, San Francisco, New England, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Denver, Kansas City, or Houston win the Super Bowl.  Meanwhile, some team we didn’t even consider like San Diego, the Jets, Cincinnati, Tennessee, Buffalo, Dallas or Seattle will probably go deep into the playoffs.  The NFL has so much parity, almost everyone has a chance.  Well, not everyone…  The only teams you know are going to blow are St Louis, Minnesota, Miami, Jacksonville and Cleveland.

The official talking points with the Browns this season is all about their young roster.  The Browns, in Rebuilding Project #14, are running out half a roster filled with first and second year players.  The spin the team is putting on is that they have “fresh legs” and they will “grow together as a unit”.  This is, of course, horseshit.  With 25 players in their first or second season, you have 19 players that were so well thought of that all other teams did not select them in the first three rounds over the last two years.  That means that the Browns did an excellent job identifying under the radar talent (which seems highly unlikely), or the guys that were on the team before sucked so bad that anything was an improvement.

I have read plenty of flowery pre-season analysis in all kinds of publications and websites regarding the 2012 Cleveland Browns.  I feel bad for these national writers.  It’s not easy to write about this team and not just say, “The Browns are the team that the other teams in the AFC North will kick the fuck out of twice a year.” Thus, they spend time talking about the young starters and blah blah blah.  Allow me to save you some time.  I will break it down to the simplest terms possible so you know what to expect in 2012:


  • The Browns aren’t going to be any good because they don’t have enough good talent on the team.
  • The good talent the team has on defense are already hurt or suspended.
  • The offense is presumed to be better than the 2011 offense because the guys in 2011 sucked so bad.  Note, that doesn’t mean it will be “good” compared to a real NFL team.
  • The Browns will win four or five games this year.


They have to play Pitt/Balt/Cincy twice, so that means they go 1-5.  They have to play the NFC East, so they’ll go 1-3.  Now you are 2-8 with six to go.  They will need to go 3-3 in those to hit five wins.  It’s not a pretty scenario.

I think they win five if they stay healthy.  And that’s a big “if”.  In fact, if they get a couple of key injuries early, they could have the worst record in the league and then be debating drafting Barkley from USC with the top pick.  Although that would be a tough break for those of you that have bought a jersey in the last couple of years, there is an upside.  There will be plenty of unsold jerseys available for “humanitarian missions”.  I look forward to the next disaster in Haiti so we can see dazed refugees stumbling out of the rubble in Colt McCoy and Brandon Weeden jerseys.  How much fun will it be to yell out “Here we go Brownies, here we go!” when you see a family on CNN squatting in the mud with matching McCoy jerseys?

Have faith though…  The long nightmare may be coming to an end.  There is long term hope.  That disinterested dope Lerner won’t be the majority owner much longer.  Even better, Mike Holmgren and his passive interest in running an NFL team in Cleveland will be gone and he will presumably resume eating expensive dinners in Seattle restaurants.  You have to think that things have to get better with an owner and executive running the team that is at least trying, right?  Right?

See you in your rubber dog mask, sucker!


-Greg Miller

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Posted by on Sep 4 2012. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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