The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Unreal Greg Little



It is astounding that Greg Little makes a living catching a football. You would think that one of the principal skills one would look for in a receiver would be “can catch the football”. In the Browns lost to the Ravens on Thursday Night, Little had three passes including what should have been a late game tying touchdown whistle right through his hands like he had no muscle control whatsoever.

Greg Little is a scarecrow with two stick arms that Weeden fires passes into. It’s like sending a mannequin out deep. Greg Little plays like an amputee that is working with prosthetic hands. Greg Little is like a porn star that can’t get an erection. Greg Little is a race car driver that gets car sick. Greg Little is an expressionist painter that is colorblind. Greg Little is a farmer that doesn’t like to get his hands dirty. Greg Little makes the Browns wish they could get Quincy Morgan back. Greg Little is a blind photographer. Greg Little is a ballet dancer in leg braces. Greg Little is a tugboat captain that gets seasick. Greg Little is a divorce lawyer that doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Greg Little is a clown that is afraid of clowns.

Many fans get upset when Greg Little celebrates at the smallest catch. Hell, why wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t you get excited if you accomplished something that you have no natural talent for? I mean, if I somehow got up on a surfboard, I’d go fucking crazy. If you ever see me jump a motorcycle over a canyon, expect me to do a bunch of backflips. Look at me everyone! I just rode a whale through a fiery hoop! Fuck yes! That is the same reaction Browns fans should grant Greg Little if he catches even the simplest out pattern. He is genetically not inclined to catch a football. When he does it, it should be celebrated. Let that dude preen and dance around. It’s not easy for him. He has NO NATURAL TALENT for it.

There are, give or take, 150 people that have a career catching football passes. Granted, this is a specialized skill. However, out of the kazillion men on the planet, the Browns can’t find one that can catch a ball better than Greg Little? It seems impossible, doesn’t it? Chad Johnson might be an asshole but he’ll catch a few balls. The Browns are paying Greg Little $476,000 just to let footballs careen off of his hands. Ladies and gentlemen, that is an amazing way to make a living.


-Greg Miller


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Posted by on Sep 28 2012. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

4 Comments for “The Unreal Greg Little”

  1. Greg Little

    Whatever, playa. Nothing in my contract says I gots to catch da hard ones. Whoop-Whoop! Wud up, Pookie!

  2. Braylon Edwards

    Catch the damn ball! Or . . . don’t.

    Whatevs . . .

  3. Quincy Morgan

    Hey, leave me outta this. Ya’ll straight trippin.

  4. The replacement refs

    Well let’s not be too judgmental. He is doing his best under tough circumstances. Playing with stone hands takes guts.

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