Offended By The Browns Offense
Like most of you reading this, I wasted yet another afternoon watching the Browns. I cannot logically defend why I do this each football season, as the team has largely been unwatchable since graciously being returned to us by our NFL Overlords in 1999. I have a long history of rooting for terrible football teams. As a member of a family that were season ticket holders of the Buffalo Bills in the late 70s and before that the Philadelphia Eagles, I have seen some truly awful football teams. The Bills one year had cornerstone QB Joe Ferguson injured in week one, and his replacement Gary Marangi became the benchmark for awful professional football quarterbacking. Well, before this current Browns regime(s) on the New Millennium that is… I like to think of Gary Marangi now as “a more explosive Ty Detmer”.
It seems impossible that a team that consistently drafts early every single year cannot find at least one offensive skill position player that makes an impact on a game. Let’s throw the QB position out of the argument. It is well documented that no one with an Ohio mailing address knows what a franchise QB looks like, much less how to acquire one. Weeden on his best day shoots for “not sucking as bad as you expected him to suck”. This is his high water mark. The key with Weeden is to maintain reasonable expectations. He’s actually one of the Browns better offensive draft choices though. Which brings the real matter into focus. While every other team plucks monster offensive players out of thin air, the Browns waste high picks year after year on players that appear to have none of the skills necessary to become elite skill players. How on earth is this possible?
Why can the Browns not find receivers that can actually catch the ball? I watch other games. Have you noticed when you watch almost any other NFL telecast, you will say, “Holy shit! Look at that catch!” every 20 minutes or so? The rhetoric I have on the couch when I watch the Browns is usually more along the lines of “How the fuck can you not make that catch? It hit you in the fucking hands/chest!” (Take your pick) I would have thought that one of the main qualifications of making a living catching a football would be to be “pretty good at catching a football”. Are the Browns unable to secure footage of these players while they played in college when they assuredly dropped passes there as well? These guys can’t possibly start being unable to catch when they get to NE Ohio, right? It’s a riddle tucked inside a mystery nestled in a puzzle.
I think it’s also time to stop pretending that Trent Richardson is some kind of super talent. One of the people that should stop pretending Trent Richardson is a super talent is Trent Richardson. While I will admit that the Browns line appears to be unable to block for the run in any way whatsoever, Richardson doesn’t exactly juke anyone out of their shoes or make it happen on his own. Trent Richardson is so far from being an elite back, to even have the conversation is absurd. He doesn’t beat anyone to the corner, and he is too small to run tacklers over. That guy better learn how to catch passes coming out of the backfield. There are about 600 guys out there who can make 3.5 yards a carry in between the tackles. Is it too early to don Richardson as William Green II? I mean without the stabbing incidents, of course. He was the #3 pick in the draft for fuck’s sake. Shouldn’t that guy be able to make a play once in awhile?
There is a prevailing wisdom in the NFL that says each game is decided by one or two plays. Last week against the Ravens it was when Weeden missed Chris Ogbonnaya streaking down the sideline all by himself in the third quarter. It was a throw most high school players execute with ease on Friday nights. Tom Brady would make that throw even if you put him on a unicycle. Hell, even Ryan Tannehill makes that throw while on pogo stilts. The point being that the Browns have not, do not, and appear unable once again to make these routine big plays that win games offensively. It is this factor more than any other that dooms each and every one of us that watches this team to utterly waste our time.
By the way, though nobody noticed, the Indians swept the White Sox and moved a half game out of the Wild Card. This appears to be a bigger secret than why the Browns receivers run four-yard patterns on third and six.
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/
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