The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Full Weeden

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It has become painfully obvious that Brandon Weeden is not, nor will ever become, a legitimate NFL quarterback.  I would maintain that Weeden is the worst of the “franchise” quarterbacks the Browns have had, and that is really saying something.  Can you imagine that when they drafted Weeden, he could later be referred to as “one third the QB that Kelly Holcomb was” and no one would challenge you?  Weeden has somehow combined the worst attributes of previous Browns QBs into one horrifying package.  He has the lack of mobility and lack of touch of Derek Anderson.  He has the poor decision making of Jake Delhomme.  He holds the ball too long like Tim Couch.  Brandon Weeden has somehow managed to click off all the check marks in what you don’t want from a QB.  All of them.  I think we have all seen enough to know that “NFL Quarterback” isn’t the right job for Brandon.  There’s no shame in that.  It’s not right for me either.  I’m sure Brandon has a fabulous education from Oklahoma State to fall back on.

As we nestle in comfortably in this doomed ship that is the 2013 Browns season, the question becomes how long the Browns will run Weeden out there.  Look, I’m a complete dope and even I know Weeden can’t play.  You would have to think that the players and coaches on the team might have had the same thought.  “Chud, me and some of the guys were watching tape of the game last week and it occurred to us, after watching it a few times, that Brandon isn’t too good.  We were trying to figure out why we were winning with Hoyer and losing with Weeden.  I don’t know if you coaches have thought about it, but a bunch of the guys were thinking that maybe it’s worth looking into if Brandon has something to do with it.”

Jason Campbell, a pretty crummy QB himself, has to be thinking “if I don’t get to play here in this scenario, am I ever going to play in the NFL again?”.  Maybe he needs to make a “statement” of some kind.  Jason Campbell should stop dressing for games.  If I were him, I would consider sitting on the bench in street clothes and eating nachos.  If you are only a spectator, go all the way. He should tailgate in the Muni Lot.  What’s the difference?  He’s a season ticket holder that gets paid to watch the games from the sideline.  Embrace it.  I’m not saying he shouldn’t support the team.  In fact, maybe he should buy a rubber dog mask and wear a bone necklace.  The network would love it, and maybe the Browns would love his enthusiastic attitude.  “Boy that Jason really has drunk the Kool-Aid!  Maybe we should let him play a little bit in the 4th quarter!”

The question remains if the Browns plan to tank the season is in full force.  It’s quite a situation.  That pick they got from Indianapolis appears to be too little to package in for a top pick, so they are going to have to get to the top of the list all by themselves.  The team is going to have to go “Full Weeden” to get a top pick.  Please note, this exciting new catch phrase can be used in everyday life as well.  Example:  “I met this girl at the bar, and I went back to her place.  As I was making out with her and taking off her panties, I went Full Weeden and barfed on her.”  The Full Weeden represents a doomsday spiral without hope of redemption.  “I was killing it in the job interview, but then I went Full Weeden and whipped out a line of cocaine on the dude’s desk.”  The Full Weeden is the End of Days.  The Full Weeden is when all hope is lost.  The Full Weeden is a catastrophic event or events that destroy any chance of personal victory.  Did you burn up your engine by driving your car with the no oil light on?  You went Full Weeden on that car my friend.

I don’t know where the Browns go from here, but I know that The Brandon Weeden Era is coming to a close in 2013.  There will be plenty of discounted jerseys on sale at Dick’s Sporting Goods.  While it will be sort of sad to see all those unwanted shirts, let’s look at the positive.  There is a new reference point for abject failure in the quarterback position for the Browns, and that is Brandon Weeden.   While we thought Ty Detmer, Brady Quinn and Trent Dilfer were bad, that was only a warmup to the Full Weeden.  It’s got to get better from here, right?  Right?

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

 

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Posted by on Oct 21 2013. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

13 Comments for “The Full Weeden”

  1. Chuck

    I never imagined I would say this, but Colt McCoy could do a better job at qb here at the moment.

  2. Justin

    Don’t worry. I have complete faith that the Browns will tank the rest of the season to secure a high draft pick, only to use it on a QB that has absolutely no chance of success in the NFL whatsoever. But we haven’t had a full-on head-case yet and I figure we’re due. So Manziel seems like a natural choice.

  3. Dudebro

    Our only hope is for Hoyer The Destroyer to heal up fast. And cut Greg Little.

  4. I have this image of Colt McCoy returning his Ford endorsement pickup truck last year shaking his head saying, “Man… I’m better than that dude…”

  5. Ryan Hotchkiss

    Laughing my ass off at the “Full Weeden” catch phrase. Like I said when we drafted Weeden, it was like pissing in the wind. Colt McCoy was serviceable and this team is ready to win now. I am convinced that either Holmgren or Shurmer (probably Holmgren) didn’t like McCoy because of his lack of arm strength. They drafted a guy with arm talent and boy was it a mistake. Weeden is the latest player to support my my strong belief that arm talent is only part of being of being a successful NFL QB. Which is a good transition to talk about Hoyer. Quick feet, quick release, nice touch, feels the rush, mobile, and appears to breath life into the team. After studying tape on Hoyer, he is the guy. I don’t mind drafting a QB next year but Hoyer is the starter. If the Browns can’t get the guy they want or don’t like the QB’s in the draft, there should not be pressure to draft a QB.

  6. […] were a decade ago and the last time you played a meaningful down was 5 years ago, you saw “The Full Weeden” and said, “This guy’s terrible! I’m totally a better option than him. […]

  7. […] en masse that Brandon Weeden was going to return under center and all was lost.  Once again, The Full Weeden was upon us.  After a few remarkably awkward looking plays and a punt, Weeden put his little knit […]

  8. […] “Nooooooooo!”.  Each person in that stadium knew what was about to transpire.  We would get The Full Weeden and any chance at victory had gone up in […]

  9. […] remained was to see was how big they would win the contest.  That was when Weeden launched “The Full Weeden” in what may be his single greatest span of football as a Brown with two interceptions and a […]

  10. […] Week 14 and which shitty Browns QB will it be? Will it be Jason Campbell? The Full Weeden? Some guy from Youtube? Or a 5 year career backup who was cut by the Ravens in preseason and […]

  11. […] what, the key is to focus on the highest entertainment value.  With my all-time favorite player Brandon Weeden now gone, there is no compelling reason to watch the Browns slog through another 4-12 season.  All […]

  12. I endorsed Shurmur??? I said McCoy was the only issue??Hell if you foollw my comments since last year I’ve been saying we need a Qb WR RB!!!Wtf??I’m the guy that wanted RG3 and got told he not good enough. How that looking??I got told Blackmon should be drafted over TRich??How that working out???Please don’t say he Blackmon has no Qb Because the Blackmon lovers said Blackmon made Weeden.. So why isn’t Blackmon making Gabbert??Ill tell you.. Over Rated!!!I watch game film through NFL NETWORK. Where u can watch film that isn’t shown on Tv. Anybody can see this if you purchase it.Well guess what??I’ve seen enough of Weeden to know he 10 times better than Noodle Arm McCoy..And I take your bet throwing it 60 yards downfield I have a better arm than McCoy Guaranteed. HighSchool Pitcher who was a Qb also foollwed by pitching in College. And at 38 I can still hit 84mph on the gun. I’m a athlete and still play Baseball. Not old man game like Softball.And I know when I see talent. And comparing Weeden and McCoy is like night and day.Weeden hands down more talented Period!!!!Trying to come at me is ignorant.Call Jimmy Haslam see if he cares what you think about McCoy???Why don’t you research or see the opinions from Experts who have said Weeden just has to play and will grow. You do not give up on a rookie Qb after 9 games.These 7 games are meaningless This is about evaluating the team for next year nowShurmur gonePlaying McCoy makes us go back to the same shit before.Nobody with a brain wants to see the 2011 train wreck you call a Qb I suggest you go back to video games and play with McCoy in rookie mode.That be the only time he ever starts for a NFL TEAM again is playing MaddenHAHAHAHAHA!

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