The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Golden Age


This is truly a Golden Age of Cleveland Browns football.  The way the team effortlessly stole defeat from the jaws of victory… How they rallied behind their on field leader Brandon Weeden, showing the true meaning of the word “teamwork” in creating a loss to a team that was clearly a lesser opponent was simply magical to behold.  While the city has suffered through some amazing inept teams in the past 14 years, this is without question my favorite group.  This team actually has some talent, and the way they somehow pull together to create an “L” no matter how solid the game plan… No matter how favorable the individual matchups… How they do whatever is necessary to destroy the best-laid plans of the coaching staff… I am almost in tears thinking about how entertaining this team is week after week.  They are easily my favorite team of the fabled “New Browns” era.

First, let’s talk about the man that is the shining star of everything Cleveland Browns, Brandon Weeden.  I love watching him play.  I cannot turn my eyes away from even a single snap.  Just like you never know what Johnny Manziel might do on a football field, the same can be said for Weeden.  Sure, the end results are completely opposite, but the desire to see the events unfold that each player has put in motion is exactly the same.  It’s “must see TV”.  I find myself absolutely glued to the field when Weeden takes his position behind center.  Just when you think Weeden can’t possibly try another unsuccessful “shovel pass”, he tries not one more, but three!  To see other fans in the stadium mouth “what the fuck!?!” at the same time I do really helps me bond with my community.  Weeden has united more people than that empty suit Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson ever has.  I fucking love the guy.

Weeden was actually pretty good through the first quarter and two thirds.  The Browns had the game solidly in hand, and all that really remained was to see was how big they would win the contest.  That was when Weeden launched “The Full Weeden” in what may be his single greatest span of football as a Brown with two interceptions and a fumble in what seemed to be 17 seconds.  It was a Tour de Force in Brandon Weeden Football.  A clinic in just what is possible when someone completely over their head is placed on an NFL field. It’s awesome to behold, something you never thought you would see with your own eyes, like an elf fucking a unicorn in the woods.

This sounds outrageous right now but trust me.  We will all miss Brandon Weeden when he is gone.  He is doing things on an NFL field that none of us will ever witness in our lifetimes again.  Decades from now the Browns will continue to be terrible, suffering through their 39th consecutive losing season.  You will be sitting at a bar watching the game, old and feeble.  A young man in the crowd will yell out something about how the Browns current QB is the worst ever.  Your memories will stir, flooding back to you like a tidal wave.   You will open your eyes, clear your throat and meekly say, “This guy is awful, but he’s no Brandon Weeden.” Instantly, the whole room will go quiet like a scene in a Western where the villain walks into the saloon.  There will be a pause, and then the young man will speak up.  “Brandon Weeden… What do you know about The Full Weeden?  You saw Brandon Weeden play Old Man?”  The room will fall into a reverential hush as you will then recount the end of the first half of this Jags game with unblinking honesty and razor sharp detail.

Yes, today you saw something you will always remember.  If you are a Browns fan, this was your Carlton Fisk waving at the foul pole home run, your Immaculate Reception, your Dwight Clark end zone catch.  Sure, Josh Gordon almost single handedly won the game again1.  He should know that he has no chance when The Full Weeden has been launched.  I don’t know if that fucked up Alex Mack snap was a Weeden “audible”, or if he was just following the leadership of the on field general and did it on his own.  I do know it was amazing.

Just like that, the Browns lost at home to the Jacksonville Jaguars, a team so awful even residents of Jacksonville don’t go to games.  That’s saying something because all there is to do in Jacksonville is go to Hooters, shoot skag, and wonder when your dreams died.  As we conclude this magical season, soak it all in.  These are the salad years.  Enjoy each wobbly shovel pass, each fumble in the pocket, and each game lost through the historic play of Brandon Weeden.  Truly, it is a Golden Age.
-Greg Miller
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  1. By the way, Josh Gordon is probably the best offensive player they have had since Greg Pruitt, which will mean that this off season he will be caught snorting Molly with Lindsey Lohan and end up banned from the NFL forever. []

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Posted by on Dec 1 2013. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

2 Comments for “The Golden Age”

  1. […] the hell knows which, if any, of these guys can win games in the NFL?  All I know is that our Golden Age ended when the Full Weeden signed with America’s team. My only hope is the next Face of the […]

  2. […] attached.  If not, I firmly believe that we are in for the most exciting season of losing since The Golden Age of The Full Weeden.  The fact that the team will be terrible and lose weekly isn’t worth debating.  It becomes a […]

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