The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Culture of Failure

Culture of Failure

I was driving back from Nashville during the game and following along via smart phone.  26-14.  Under three minutes?  They got this!  Wow, what a great win!  What’s that?  It’s 26-21?  Oh, but they get the ball back with less than a minute?  Oh, it’s all good.  27-26 Patriots? Final?  Is that a typo?  What the fuck happened?  Did Weeden get in somehow?  Did Campbell have his arm ripped out and then that trick shot QB kid bled out on the field?  That’s the only way The Full Weeden happens, right?  27-26 Patriots?  Refresh that…  That can’t be right…

Oh, as you know, it was right.

I just watched last Sunday’s Browns game on the NFL Network 30 minute “quick cut” format.  It is all the plays in rapid-fire fashion.  It’s probably the best way to watch a game after the fact as it is all content, and no dopey tier three announcing teams pontificating about how magnificent Tom Brady’ scrotum is compared to Peyton Manning’s scrotum (which is by all accounts, also “magnificent”).  You don’t really realize how much your opinions are skewed by the talking heads until you see play/play/play/play/play.  There is nowhere to hide in that format.  The Browns dominated that football game.

I had not seen the highlights, but I knew what was going to happen.  I have listened to people go crazy on talk radio and around the water cooler. I still found myself stunned. The quick cut edit of the Browns collapse is an amazing final three minutes of viewing.  Despite completely and totally manhandling that football game for 57 minutes, they pulled together and Found A Way To Lose The Cleveland Browns Way.  With my mouth agape, I yelled, “You throw a flag at that?” at the TV all the way down the stretch.  The last 61 seconds of that game are the Zapruder Film of the Cleveland Browns, with the refs as the shooters on the grassy knoll.  I found myself watching the key plays in slow motion over and over again.  Pow!  Over and to the right… Pow!  Over and to the right…

As anyone who has read my rants on this hapless football organization knows, I fully expect the Browns to lose in ALL key situations.  History has proven this to be an inevitable conclusion to all sporting events involving a NE Ohio team.  For example, right now Indians stud pitching prospect Danny Salazar probably blew his shoulder out bull riding in Venezuela.  As you read this, whoever the Browns draft #1 this Spring is probably trying crystal meth for the first time and really really liking it.  That is not surprising.  These events are inevitable.  However, even I couldn’t have seen this one coming.  Maybe… maybe if Weeden was playing down the stretch and he inexplicably followed a “shovel pass” pick six by “going rogue” and punting on second down I could see it.  Or maybe if Weeden was on the “hands team” recovering that joke of an onside kick…  The whole thing was crazy.

There is no reason to believe that this team will ever win anything.  Year after year the fans see with their own eyes the endless futility of even trying to win here.  The cosmic forces, league conspiracies, bad players, ugly uniforms, uglier fans, and Indian Burial Ground Curses make winning here impossible.  The good news is that the organization has now transcended into losing in such spectacular new ways that at least they have become wildly entertaining in the satisfying way of a black comedy.  It is time to embrace this Culture of Failure in much the same way the Chicago Cubs do.  Cubs fans don’t give a fuck if the Cubs win.  Those games are all about having some frosty cold ones and accepting the universal truth that life is pain and failure just like the Cubs. Cubs fans know they are going to lose, but the party is good and maybe Bill Murray will sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”.  Browns fans need to do the same thing, though I will admit substituting Eric Carmen singing “Cleveland Rocks” is a substantial step back.

In our hearts, we all knew that the Browns were going to lose that game.  Even as they took that 26-14 lead, in the back of your mind a voice said, “Get ready.  Here it comes.”.  Your experience watching it probably wasn’t that different than mine watching it tonight.  Even though I knew exactly what was about to happen, when you watched it Sunday you knew it too, it’s just the details had yet to be revealed.  Let’s not get down on it.  Let’s get some Christmas Ales, fly Drew Carey in here, sing Michael Stanley Band’s “This Town” while ignoring the game, and laugh it up when the Browns lose to the Bears this week 18-17 on a blocked punt for a safety in the waning seconds.

Gimme another Christmas Ale…Whoa… this town is my town… barf….
-Greg Miller
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Posted by on Dec 11 2013. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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