The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Great Browns Coaching Search

The Great Browns Coaching Search

 
When the Browns tanked the season with their third string QB, it was rather surprising when they fired the coach for losing as planned. One would think he would have received a hefty bonus after keeping the fans interested well into November. I’m not even sure if the Browns have played December home games in this century. I have seen some footage, but have never seen the proof that it was not computer generated or played on a soundstage in NY somewhere.  This year at least I watched passively. That is what is called “a step forward” in offseason press junkets.

Like most of you I assumed when Chud got axed that a master plan would be launched that left us all gasping in wonder. A series of well planned bold initiatives would be set into motion. Powerful executives would sagely move a football genius into place. Certainly they wouldn’t have cut bait on a coach in less than a year without The Plan in place, right?  That would be madness. There is no way they could possibly fire a guy without having The Guy They Really Wanted ready to go.  That would be impossible.

What appears to have happened is that they were going to hire Josh McDaniels.  Who wouldn’t want to bring in the guy that dumped Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall for Tim Tebow? Who wouldn’t want a guy that lost nine in a row and was hated as some sort of smarmy douche Bro when he got run off as coach in Denver?  As an offensive coordinator for Tom Brady, he is clearly the reason why the Patriots are successful. Brady was awful before McDaniels got there after all…  The fact that Josh appears to be a smug SOB was just icing on the cake. He could roll with the Banner vibe.

Then the unthinkable happened.

How they got turned down by McDaniels will be a point of contention for years. I believe that McDaniels assumed the interview was a formality. When it turned out that the Browns fronted a “why do you think you deserve to be here?” attitude, McDaniels justly felt uneasy and asked point blank if he had the gig or not. Everyone but the Browns thought this was a done deal going in.  McDaniels might have ESPN on his cable package.  I see him as a “full gold package” cable subscriber guy. He must have seen the same stories everyone else did too.  When the Browns gave the “we are still talking to people” power play answer, that was that. The deal soured. The good news for the Browns is that they sure showed Josh who is boss.  Of course, now the bad news is they have no real plan and are going to have to scramble for what’s left on the dance floor.  

Think of the Browns as your drunk ex-roommate at a dance club at 1:40 am. He is fat, sweaty, smells like booze, and is under the drunken impression that he is “hot”. He really wants to go home with somebody.  He is completely unaware that he is totally undesirable, but here he comes…  Meanwhile all the unattractive damaged girls left in the bar at closing time are trying to figure out if they should pretend he’s OK and go home with him. They know they will be ashamed, and he will treat them badly, but maybe she can make somebody else jealous if she shows interest in your roommate. The whole thing is rather unsavory, like the Browns “coaching search”.

The Browns are under the impression that they have a cherry coaching job available. Most everyone else on the planet sees it justly as career suicide.  While the payoff of somehow winning in Cleveland would be knighthood and unlimited carnal pleasures from BW-3 waitresses, the fact remains that actually winning here appears to be an impossible task. Any legit coaching candidate realizes the risk/reward ratio is insanely tilted towards failure and shame. Why immerse oneself in the blanket of failure in NE Ohio when the possibility of actual success is easily attainable in places like Houston, Washington, and even Detroit?  The only coaching job worse than Cleveland is Oakland, but even then you are living on the Bay before your life falls apart publicly.  To take the Browns coaching job means the candidate is either desperate for head coaching stripes or no one else is interested.

There is little debate that The Great Coaching Search of 2014 has already been bungled.  In a couple weeks they will announce an underwhelming hire that will excite no one, much less the organization themselves. They will pretend to be REALLY excited at the press conference though. Phrases like “the guy we always wanted” and “our top candidate” will be tossed out with thinly veiled enthusiasm. Banner and Haslem will sit at that table and practically dare someone to say “bullshit”. If we lived on the East Coast and had a rabid dog press corps, this would happen. Here we will be very polite and ask the exact questions that are expected to be asked, all parties playing their pre-determined role to a T.  I may need to get press credentials just so I can ask, “Mr. Haslem, now that it appears you may not go to prison for a variety of white collar crimes you clearly committed, do you think the uninspiring hire of this ex-position coach will provide a more exciting 4-12 finish than the last 14 times the team went 4-12?”
 
 
-Greg Miller
 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/
 

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Posted by on Jan 12 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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