The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Davone Bess Debacle

Davone-Bess-weed-001

 
As I am sure you are aware by now, Davone Bess was arrested for being out of his skull on drugs and acting crazy at the Fort Lauderdale airport. Being all jacked up on gorilla tranquilizers and PCP would be a pretty good excuse for Bess on why he was unable to catch a pass in 2013. Unfortunately, it will also probably hurt Bess’s “employee” status in the NFL. I would also suggest posting photos of himself smoking weed on his Twitter account might not have been in his best interests either, but Mr. Bess and I aren’t as close as we used to be… Had this incident happened while Bess had been at Rolling Stone magazine in 1973, it might not have been a big deal. Alas, Roger Godell and his boys aren’t exactly a “roll with it” kind of crowd. I think the Davone Bess Era has ended in Cleveland.

It would be impossible to come up with a story of continued failure more outrageous than that of the Cleveland Browns. If Davone Bess had been arrested as a member of any other NFL team, eyebrows would raise and the public would think, “I wonder what happened there?”. With the Browns, the story becomes a variation of the usual headline of “Browns Have Spectacular Fuck Up Again”, but the story gets buried on page six as it has happened so many times here it’s hardly noteworthy. “Oh, I see a Canadian Youth League hockey player scored three goals against Finland, and what’s this? That iron handed receiver the Browns traded for got arrested for doing drugs and acting insane again. You don’t say…”

Here’s something that crossed my mind… Why did the Browns trade for a Rastafarian receiver to pair with Josh Gordon? That in of itself is totally fucking crazy. Even typing that out, I’m thinking that it can’t possibly be true. The Browns best player has had drug issues, so they purposely bring in a guy to spend more time with him than anyone else on the team that trumpets the amount of weed he smokes. Wait… Wait… Let me think this through… 1) The Browns will lose Josh Gordon for a year if he tests positive for drugs. 2) He is easily their best player. 3) They then trade for a Rastafarian to be with Josh at every meeting, and every practice. It’s like having a heroin problem and then asking Lou Reed to be your roommate.

Can you imagine the round table on that one? “This Gordon kid is dynamite, but he’s got a problem with staying off the weed. Who can we bring in at the slot that will help us on the field and help bring that kid along? Hey… How about we trade for that shitty Rastafarian guy from the Dolphins? They’re a team with no receivers that seem eager to dump him. What a perfect fit for us!” So are the Browns stupid or incompetent? It’s one or the other, right?

Right now there are a bunch of guys in windpants and Browns sweatshirts sitting in a conference room sipping Starbucks trying to figure out how to spin this thing. The options are bleak. Option one is to say they had no idea that right before the Dolphins fleeced the Browns on the trade, Bess was screaming “Hide the guns!” and “Where’s my weed!?!” while being pinned down by six cops and then sent to a mental institution against his will. There are quite a few things in this world that can be kept secret. A wild ass story like that isn’t one of them. Every guy on the Dolphins would have told every single person they knew, “You know what that crazy fucker Davone did last night?”.

That story is way too good. Everyone knew. Doormen at Miami hotels would have known that story within 12 hours. So are we to believe that the Browns didn’t hear about it or even ask anyone, “Hey? Is that Rastafarian guy out of the mental institution yet, and can he catch a slant?”

Option two is to trot out this old faithful routine… “Davone had some issues in the past, but we believed he had put them behind him. As a group of men with hearts of gold, we stand before you with the belief in second chances. We were aware of the past incident, but all the medical professionals we spoke to assured us that he was cured. We are as stunned as the rest of you, and pray that he can get the help he so desperately needs. We love this man like a son. It’s not about football. Now it’s all about Davone and his family. Let us not speak of this further and give Davone and his sweet sweet mother the chance to heal. Oh, and season ticket packages are on sale now!”

If they go with Option 1, or “The Dolphins tricked us!” route, they look inept. Well, they are inept if that’s what happened. If they go with Option 2, the “Maybe he’s not crazy and doing lots of drugs anymore” option, it shows them to be just plain stupid. Either way, it’s not good. I can’t wait to see how they attempt to handle it. They fuck things up so often, I would think they have this damage control thing down. Personally, I think they go with the “we’re just concerned about Davone and want him to get better” spin. That way no one will want to ask, “What the fuck were you guys thinking?” while they sit at the press table.

Buck up Browns fans. It’s not all bad. The good news is that I have officially “thrown my hat into the ring”. Nurse The Hate: Hate The Browns Again

Go Browns.
 
 
-Greg Miller
 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on Jan 18 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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