The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Browns Draft Preview

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We are closing in on the most overhyped NFL draft since the last NFL completely overhyped draft happened last year.  The Browns, as usual, are sitting on a cherry pick.  I think I can speak for the people of NE Ohio when I fully expect them to bungle the #4 pick and select a guy that will wash out, disappoint, and fail to make any impact whatsoever.  If a team has a long storied tradition of turning every opportunity into a fiasco, it is reasonable to expect the same again this year.  The Browns do what they do.  The only thing we don’t know yet are the details.

I won’t lie.  I want them to take Johnny Manziel really badly.  It’s the only thing that matters.  As we know the Browns will be terrible no matter what, the key is to focus on the highest entertainment value.  With my all-time favorite player Brandon Weeden now gone, there is no compelling reason to watch the Browns slog through another 4-12 season.  All of that gets flipped upside down if they take Manziel.  Suddenly Cleveland is on the map.  Everyone wants to watch this kid play, myself included.  It should be noted that I fully expect Manziel to completely fail to live up to the hype.  That’s part of the magic.  If he somehow doesn’t get killed rolling out immediately after taking the ball, he will throw countless interceptions with those “up for grabs” balls he used to get away with in college.  A nice season would be 16 TDs, 32 INTS, and a horrific shoulder injury in Week 14.  I can already picture the slow motion video footage of a dirty Manziel walking off the field under gray skies with the announcer saying, “Another tough day for Manziel and the 1-5 Browns…”.

My greatest fear is that the Browns trade the #4 pick for a safe selection of a lineman down the draft.  The Doomsday Scenario for me puts Manziel in a Cowboy uniform wearing a ballcap, while the Cowboy fans howl in protest every time Romo throws an incomplete pass.  Can you imagine the national sports talk rhetoric if Manziel becomes a Cowboy?  Every week will become an intense discussion of “When is it time for Johnny Football to take control of the Cowboys?”.  It will make all that Bret Favre retirement speculation stuff a few years ago seem like idle chatter.  You will yearn for Tim Tebow news and information.  No one wants that to happen, except Jerry Jones who wants to once again show what a maverick he is and how much smarter he is than The Football Guys.

I can’t imagine myself watching the Draft on ESPN.  After six solid months of nonstop discussion on the same 10 players, what more is there to say about Blake Bortles or Sammy Watkins?  They aren’t that interesting to begin with, and chances are you won’t remember who they are in three years anyway.  For example, in 2011 Jake Locker, Blaine Gabbert, and Christian Ponder went in the top 15 picks.  You want to waste a Thursday night watching cliché spouting sportscasters discussing the relative merits of those guys now?  I think Gabbert just sold me a pair of jeans at Lucky in the Beachwood Mall last weekend, so all this chatter needs to be taken with one single grain of salt.  Mel Kiper knows as much about these guys chance of succeeding in the NFL as a parakeet.  I’ll just take a look online at the end of the night and see what shook out.  There will be plenty of time to assess inaccurate “draft report cards” later anyway.

This is what I believe to be the Browns eighth consecutive “Most Important Draft Ever”.  This dysfunctional sports franchise will never win.  Ever.  We know this.  At least keep us entertained.  I’ll pass that fucking sin tax levy.  Hell, I’ll start smoking.  You go get me Manziel…
 
 
-Greg Miller
 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on May 2 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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