The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The “Shocking” Return

I Am Completely Stunned

 

I am completely stunned.  To think the Cavs will be welcoming back LeBron James as a free agent and (as far as we know) he is not suffering from rickets, emphysema, or the bubonic plague is beyond my understanding of what happens in NE Ohio.  I am getting ready to receive the news that James crashed his car into Josh Gordon/Johnny Manziel in a Swenson’s parking lot, leaving them all burned beyond recognition, but at least I know that won’t be until sometime in August.  For now it is all rainbows, unicorns, and ejaculating Skittles into each other’s mouths.

Let’s discuss the LeBron James letter to SI that served as his press release for a moment.  I believe that is a piece of public relations masterwork that should be discussed in colleges as textbook cases along with how BP made you forget about how they destroyed the Gulf of Mexico, how Ray Lewis went from murder accomplice to spiritual NFL sage, and how all these weekly mass shootings have nothing to do with current gun laws.  It is so well done, I almost wept when it got to the part about how he would smile to learn maybe kids will come home from college to start a family business.  Insert photo of me, sniffling with tears streaming down my face mouthing the words “I’m coming home” and then breaking down into complete sobs.

That press release touched on it all.  He didn’t leave to stack a team and win some rings… Think of it as him going to college!  Although college was Fun and Games, now he is coming home to Get To Work!  (This insertion of the Midwestern work ethic is something his PR firm probably thought would strike a chord with the hard workin’ folks!)  That Dan Gilbert said some nasty things, but we all make mistakes and he has been Forgiven.  Now, by grace of God and circumstance, James has created an almost mythological opportunity to Return Home and Win For The People.

That frickin’ letter won over almost everyone I have spoken to about this thing.  It is so well done, and executed so perfectly the buy in across NE Ohio is about 100%.  As you read this there are people in Parma trying to fix burn holes in old Cavs “23” jerseys.  There are teams of Mexican textile laborers trying to sew back together that old Witness banner.  Every single bar owner within striking distance of the Quicken Loans Arena is doing The Robot in front of the non-stop ESPN SportsCenter broadcasts.  People here are so desperate for a winner they’d pardon Osama Bin Laden if he could hit a three consistently and had a good move to the bucket.  LeBron going to South Beach for four years?  Who even remembers!  The King is back baby!

Personally I would have liked to see him buckle down with the Heat and actually try to win those four! Five! Six! Championships those clowns promised.  The NBA is at its best when powerhouse teams go back and forth in a real rivalry.  However, that might be a time that is gone like sipping lemonade on a porch rocker and listening to Joe Tate call the game on the wireless.  The inmates run the asylum in the NBA now.  Ultimately it is great for NE Ohio to have a reason to watch basketball in the dead of winter and actually leave our igloos to go outside.  If LeBron ever does help win a championship here, I look forward to voting “Yes” on the tax levy to construct a 1700 foot gold statue of him on the Lakefront in the pose of David.

I still can’t believe he came back.  Hell, I wouldn’t have.  He really is embracing a more difficult path in returning to the Cavs and letting his past with Gilbert be water under the bridge.  While it can be argued from a cold business standpoint that this move was his only play to try and compete for a Michael Jordan type legacy, it’s not going to be easy.  He must have been really surprised to see no one gave him the kind of credit he expected when he won with the Heat.  Even if he won six times there, it would have been with a nice * next to it.  Here, a championship will be remembered like the first Red Sox World Series.  I’m a little sorry all the speculation and discussion about The Decision II is over.  The good news is we can move on with our lives now and focus on what is important…

What is going on with Johnny Manziel?

 
 
-Greg Miller
 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on Jul 11 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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