The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Strange World Of 6-3

strange_world_of 6-3

 

The Browns unexpected victory last night has left me confused.  I feel like someone that has been in a serious car accident, wandering with glazed eyes out into the road.  I know something happened, but it is hard for the brain to accept.  Normally when leaves have fallen the debate has already begun on who the Browns will draft with one of the first five picks of the upcoming draft.  We have to pay attention to the games?  When it’s cold?  To find this Browns team in contention and poised to crush fans dreams in December as opposed to October is totally unexpected.  What the hell is going on here?

1 – Brian Hoyer is just good enough to win games in the NFL.  No, he cannot throw a long pass with any authority.  He does complete just enough passes to win if given the time.  It’s shaky, but NE Ohio has always liked a certain physical shortcoming in their QB.  Hoyer is sort of the poor man’s Greg Landry.  A weak armed Alex Smith?  The thinking man’s Jeff Hostetler?  If he can finish the season without breaking his spine (like Tony Romo), someone is going to give him a very big check.  Matt Flynn got a big check and he won a single meaningless game on a team of ringers.  How big a check you think Hoyer will get?

2 – The Browns defense sort of sucks, but they make plays at the right time.  Joe Haden looks like he is really banged up, but opponents still spend all their time throwing at Buster Skrine which is ether a testament to the amount of respect teams have for how good an even injured Haden is or is an indictment of how bad Skrine/Gilbert are…  I like these guys.  They bend, but don’t usually break, which is about all one can expect in today’s NFL.

3 – The Browns are 6-3 despite their last three #1 picks having almost no impact.  Johnny Manziel is now just shown when the game gets out of hand laughing it up in his poncho.  He may never start in this league outright now that the hype has finally fizzled out.  Justin Gilbert is not exactly reminding me of a young Derelle Revis or Champ Bailey.  Barkevious Mingo might not even be on the team anymore.  I know he gets introduced as a starter, but I can’t recall him being even periperhally involved in a play since mid 2013.  It’s almost as if he is in witness relocation and decided to disappear in plain site in the NFL.  That guy is the Carlos “The Jackal” of the NFL.

Before we start jacking each other off and setting up ticker tape parades, I would like to temper enthusiasm by reminding everyone that the Browns went 2-1 against teams with a combined record of 3-76 (or something like that).  That victory against Cincinnati would have happened even if the offense had decided to stay home and watch it on TV.  Andy Dalton truly gave a Weedenesque performance and gave the Bengals no chance to win.  I think it might be time that we stop pretending that Andy Dalton is some special talent that has yet to completely flourish.  He is tethered to Cincinnati for the foreseeable future, and makes Mark Sanchez appear like Joe Montana.  Ye Gods.  The Bengals might want to arrange some type of “horrible car falls off bridge” incident to get out of that contract.

The next three games are tantalizingly winnable.  Houston at home,  at Atlanta, at Buffalo.  This being the NFL, they will lose the game you expect them to win (Buffalo) and win the one you expect them to lose (Atlanta).  They have a reasonable reason to think they can beat Houston at home, especially after a long week after the TH game.  Holy fuck.  They could be 8-4 going down the stretch.  If the Browns are 8-4 at the end of the month, I fully expect to see copulating in the streets of Parma.  In Eastlake nude men will be reclining in bean bags watching ESPN while being fed chicken wings by fleshy satin clad vixens.  That Pumpkinhead guy might have a stroke.  You know how fired up he is even when the team obviously sucks?  All bets are off.  Game days on West Sixth will be fucking, fist fights, and light beer.  There will be almost no distinction between man and beast.  There will be no future.  There will be no past.  There will only be RIGHT NOW and you better be in orange!

Go Browns.  I think.
 
 
-Greg Miller
 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on Nov 7 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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