The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Browns Final Act

 Browns Final Act

 

The interesting thing about Las Vegas is that if you look hard enough, you can find a betting line on almost anything.  The Browns are playing Baltimore in a must-win game for the Ravens with either an injured Brian Hoyer or a guy named Conner Shaw that has apparently been given the opportunity to play QB through the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  I was stunned to see the line at Baltimore -10 as my expert analysis on this game concluded “there’s no fucking way that the Browns win this game”.  The belief must be that the Browns defense will somehow stop the Ravens from scoring more than 17 as even the idea of the Browns scoring a touchdown seems ludicrous.

As I scanned the list of potential bets, a few really caught my eye as a better bet than the Browns winning on Sunday.  At 29-1, “meteor hitting and maiming Leonardo DiCaprio” seemed a better value than the Browns +10.  I think an argument could be made that “Dick Clark rising from dead to do New Year’s Countdown on Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” at 12-1 is a pretty solid little wager as opposed to Cleveland on the money line.  However, a real toss up to me was “Giant Sea Serpent Attacking Japan” at 30-1.  That seems pretty unlikely, but then again so does Cleveland +10.  However, the 30-1 payoff would be nice if Rodan pops out of the Sea of Japan in the next few days…  I might parlay that with the Dick Clark thing.

It’s hard to visualize watching the game on Sunday.  I may cast an eye towards it, but my real interest will be reading between the lines in the upcoming QB situation.  Once again, the team finds itself back at Square One.  Oh sure, the rhetoric around Manziel will be a polite “working towards next year” type of discussion, but I cannot imagine that the Browns have any plans of starting the 2015 season with John W. Football behind center.  They saw the same things we all did.  Prior to the draft, many experts said that Manziel was too small, with too little arm strength, with not enough speed, would get hurt, and did not take the responsibility of being a starting QB seriously enough.  Very rarely does an analysis come to fruition so completely as it did with Manziel.  It’s really incredible.  How did this happen?  Manziel clearly has no business out there.  In literally eight days he went from potential savior to bust.  It’s the fastest fall from grace in NFL History.  I hope that kid saved some of that cash from his “money phone”.

Remember when Weeden was QB?  That was a Golden Age.  Weeden was a big guy with a cannon arm, so even as he shovel passed it around, or threw into triple coverage, the thought was “You know, if we could get that guy’s head out of his ass, I’ll just bet he could be a QB in this league”.  It took a couple of years to realize that he was never going to get the mental part of the game, but while he floundered around there were glimmers of hope.  With Manziel, there are no reasons to ever think he will be able to compete.  Even the team is having a hard time pretending at press conferences.  He’s too small, too slow, and still thinks he can run around and make things happen.  Manziel took a few hits on the field, immediately got injured, and now has promised to take this seriously and try to get it together.  Oh, that’s reassuring…

I don’t know if the Browns are prepared to take the flak that will come with cutting Manziel in camp next year.  They should.  Take a look at Seattle.  They spend $52 kazillion on Matt Flynn, had rookie Russell Wilson beat him out, recognized Flynn didn’t have it, and cut Flynn loose.  It’s the best move they ever made.  The question will be if the Browns can find somebody, anybody that offers even the whiff that they can play the position.  Do they bring in a re-tread like Cutler, RG3 or some other God Awful QB under the radar?  Do they package up picks to chase this year’s rookie flavor of the month?  Hey, I don’t have the answer either, but it is going to be way more fun to watch than the actual games have been in December.

My prediction for 2015 is that somewhere on the planet there will be a natural disaster, Haiti probably.  They haven’t had anything horrible happen to them in a couple of years.  They’re due again.  I think it’s messing around with all that voodoo shit that brings the bad kharma on them.  Regardless, I envision a combination earthquake/tsunami that devastates the entire area.  Relief agencies will stream in to offer food water, shelter, and clothes.  That’s when you will notice these poor skinny people, picking their way through the rubble, trying to get back on their feet, and each one wearing a surplus Johnny Manziel Browns jersey.  CNN reporters will descend on the people in an effort to get tear jerking accounts of the tragic scenario.  It will be then that one of the victims will stare straight into the camera and say, “The Lord’s wrath has been swift and terrible, but thank God for Johnny Football flaming out and allowing us the opportunity to be clothed once again.  Whatever swan that young man finds himself floating on today, God Bless Him!”.

Go Browns.

 
 

-Greg Miller

 
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on Dec 24 2014. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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