NFL Game of F**K/Marry/Kill
If Johnny Football actually played football, he might be my favorite Brown. Let’s see if I have this right… Two Sundays ago John Football once again demonstrated that he has no business on an NFL football field and managed to get hurt on what appeared to be a routine play. Two days later he admitted that he didn’t really take this NFL quarterback thing seriously (thanks for the money though) but from this point on he was going to really step it up and “be the man”. Four days later he had a party (allegedly, wink wink), helped the two other dipshits not make practice, and then just didn’t answer the phone when the team was looking for him. Oh, and I forgot that he “liked” Chris Rock getting divorced on Twitter while the Ravens game was going on. He then had an interview session talking about “stepping up” and immediately afterwards went to South Beach to party. Holy crap, you can’t make that stuff up. It’s amazing.
Johnny Manziel is as interested in making it in the NFL as he is the NHL, ACLU, or CIA. To see someone so blatantly not giving a shit is massively entertaining. The kind of shit he pulls would get you fired from a job at Dominos. Can you even imagine what that meeting was like when they finally tracked him down and brought him upstairs? Guys that own football teams don’t like to be made to look like assholes by 22 year old kids that they gave millions of dollars. I would imagine the rhetoric could have been described as “lively”. An even better meeting would have been the “pre-meeting” where Haslam, Pettine, Farmer, and God Knows Who Else all went apeshit talking about the crazy things they wanted to do to Manziel like having the Browns Alumni members sodomize him on the 50 yard line prison style. That plan probably had legs until someone from legal spoke up and squashed it, which is a shame really. That would have been a lesson he would not soon have forgotten. Even the mere mention of Tom Cousineau in the future would have made him reflexively flinch.
So the question is now, what do you do about Manziel, Gordon, and Gilbert? It’s really a football version of F/Marry/Kill, or Trade/Keep/Cut. Gordon, who appears to be as bright as a show pony, should be traded to one of those teams that think they can make the young man see the light. This is a fool’s errand. Washington is a good fit. Daniel Snyder has stepped into the Al Davis role in the NFL as Head Buffoon nicely. Gordon for RG3 straight up with Washington taking the salary hit? Could be a win/win… The bottom line with Gordon is that there is no chance that he won’t self destruct again. None. O.J. Simpson would be a better free agent signing. Gordon wormed back into the league, and couldn’t even keep it together for a month and a half. All he has to do for six weeks is play football reasonably well, and get a massive payday. Nope. Can’t do it. He is going to be one of those “Ex-NFL Player Does Something Shockingly Stupid and Is Going To Jail For A Long Time” headlines. The key is to cut bait on this guy and get anything. Is there a way to package up him and picks for a higher pick in this draft? Can you get a snowcone machine and a used lawnmower? Either option is better than what they’ve got with Gordon on the roster. Fuck that guy.
Justin Gilbert showed he could play. At times. If he was paying attention. And made it to the game. Granted, that is a whole lot of “ifs”. However, with Manziel having that monster combination of showing no ability whatsoever AND having no clue how to conduct himself, the only option to keep is Gilbert. I don’t know if Gilbert wants every veteran calling him out on the carpet all next season, so hopefully someone gets him on board during off season workouts. I have never seen teammates rip a guy so mercilessly in the press. He also doesn’t seem to give a fuck, and I would assume that since no one got him out of his hotel room for the walk through in Baltimore, he’s not real popular on the team. Hey man, Justin’s not out of his room.. “Fuck him man. Maybe they’ll cut him and I can get paid!”, said every other member of the Browns defensive backfield except Joe Haden.
Someone in the defensive backfield is right now being convinced to be Justin Gilbert’s “buddy” this off-season. If I were Joe Haden, I’d let the calls from Berea roll into voice mail for a while. Maybe they’ll reach Gipson before you. Gilbert, an Oklahoma State alum (or “attendee”), is among great company. Here are the last four players from Oklahoma State in the NFL… Gilbert, Weeden, Justin Blackmon, and Dez Bryant. If that isn’t the Four Horseman of the Professional Football Apocalypse, I don’t know who is… In the upcoming draft, the Browns may want to skip over Oklahoma State players, unless they can do a Dez Bryant number and have a 24 hour handler on whatever creep they draft. I think the team believes they can turn this guy around, and based on his contract, they are probably stuck with him. He needs to be broken down completely like a Taliban prisoner at Gitmo. I wonder if the NFL Player’s Union will squawk at waterboarding?
That leaves Manziel. You have to cut that guy loose, right? He can’t play, doesn’t look like he can ever play, and shows no indication he is trying to get better. Even the organization is saying things like “That’s just more Johnny shit talk…” at press conferences. He was high risk/high reward pick, and he has BUST written all over him. It didn’t happen, and it’s not going to happen. He has no trade value whatsoever. He’s Ryan Leaf crossed with Eddie Haskell and Urkel. His act has to be wearing thin even with his backward ball cap “yes-man” posse. Who wants to fetch an Escalade for that loser? It’s like hanging out with Cade McNown thinking you are The Man. Hey, let’s go get bottle service with Scott Stapp from Creed… Good times.
The fear now is that Hoyer, the NFL’s 24-30th best QB will sign elsewhere for more money, the Browns are unable to move up in the draft, and then they’re stuck with Manziel (for three weeks anyway until he’s hurt). After Manziel gets hurt with the team at 0-3, the latest incarnation of Jason Campbell/Josh McCown steps in to finish up the 4-12 season. (Hello EJ Manuel!) At least with that plan they can attempt to draft high enough in the 2016 draft to get somebody that can play. You know, someone like John Manziel, Brandon Weeden, or Brady Quinn…
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/
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