The Miracle On The Lake
One of the joys of being a Browns fan is that each team victory seems like a minor miracle. The fact that the team won Sunday is as surprising to me as it would have been seeing Jesus confidently striding across Lake Erie over by Whiskey Island. In the case of either event I am left wide eyed and open mouthed. It was hard to imagine a scenario in which a John W. Football led Browns would win a game, however the scenario I came up with definitely included some sort of kick return TD and opposition turnovers. Check. It will be hard to sustain Travis Benjamin having 300+ yards of all purpose yards, but what the hell. It happened and a win is a win.
This was a rare event. There are Galapagos tortoises that can’t remember a Browns home opener victory. When I think “home opener” I think of very drunk young women in the parking lot tailgating that will not be within a mile of the stadium when the weather turns approximately 15 minutes from now. I think of grumbling men walking back to their now embarrassing custom painted Browns RVs saying variations of “fucking Browns”. I think of the silent older couples walking back to their cars fresh with the knowledge that the team will not be competitive again, and maybe it was a mistake to renew their tickets for yet another year. However with this victory, the illusion of a competitive team has been shakily renewed.
Of course before we all start jacking each other off and start the Johnny Football talk again, let us temper our enthusiasm. The Titans were the second worst team in the league last year and it showed. They might want to sign someone to play free safety. Today. I think we can also agree that Marcus Mariota appeared to have a much higher ceiling than anyone we have seen in a Browns uniform in 40 years, though I was concerned that he had broken his back on that horrible sack he took in the second quarter. Being in an iron lung will curtail most endorsement deals. Mariota took more punishment than most losers of MMA fights. I hope he is enjoying the full strength of dangerous opiate based pain killers today. It might be in his best interest to find some fellas that can prevent 300 pound men from hitting him at full speed. Thankfully the Browns defense played well enough to not only win the game, but put a stop to the one week momentum to anoint Mariota a Hall of Fame QB after his start over a horrible Tampa team. Thank you Browns.
One of the peculiar things about the NFL is that each week everyone completely overreacts to what just happened. The Eagles may never win a game. New England will never lose another game. Seattle is done. Arizona is unstoppable. Johnny Manziel is the answer at QB. After the Browns beat Oakland this week, we will go beat San Diego and then…
I am confident that Browns fans will never feel as good about the 2015 Browns as they do at this moment, unless they win next week of course. While Oakland at home is a winnable game, it is no gimme. After that game comes a suicide run where they will be a justifiable underdog every week. The team will also start Manziel until the organization comes to the undeniable conclusion that John W Football cannot perform at this level. There is no going back now. John W. Football won a game. You can’t pull him out of there now. We are all in. The bad news is that by the time the John W. Football Era mercifully ends, the team will probably be 2-9 and sad sack Josh McCown will try to put some decent play on tape for his next backup QB job.
Let us not dwell on that now. Today the sun is shining. Travis Benjamin cannot be covered or tackled. John Football has “it”. The defense has been repaired. The running game has been established. Well deserved backslaps and complimentary drinks were had by the players all over town. Nothing can go wrong. We are going in The Right Direction. Fire up the grills. Get the rubber dog mask. The Raiders are coming to town next week. They have no chance. We are back!
Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/
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