The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Let’s Get Brownsy


What makes the Browns so compelling are the completely new ways they can find to lose.  Sunday’s game in San Diego was perhaps the Brownsiest loss in the past few years.  How much more Brown could it have been?  The answer is none, none more Brown.  It had all the artistic qualities fans have come to expect in a true classic.  The team managed to claw back and appear not only competitive but actually competent, filling fans with false hope until brutally ripping the carpet out from underneath their feet.  This was a gem.  A masterpiece.  This will go with the “Dwayne Rudd ripping off his helmet” loss as a great example of the Browns doing whatever they need to do to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

As the game unfolded and they not only scored but also made the two-point conversion I thought, “I wonder how they will blow this game?”.  You knew it was coming, you just didn’t know how.  My assumption was that Rivers would lead the Chargers down the field in a backbreaking drive.  While the Browns defense did completely disappear, as expected, I never imagined that the Chargers would have to kick a field goal.  I thought little Danny Woodhead would somehow be left all alone on the sideline to scamper into the end zone, or the Browns would make a horrible pass interference penalty on an otherwise uncatchable ball.  The idea that the Chargers kicker would shank an easy field goal as the Browns made an amazingly pointless offsides penalty never crossed my mind.  This is the true genius off the Browns and what makes them so fascinating.  They completely defy your expectations in new Brownsy ways.

At this point, the shorthand of “Brownsy” should start to creep across the country.  It is a word that perfectly describes something being predictably terrible but with unpredictable details.  Example:  “I got delayed in Newark Airport and had to eat at Olive Garden.  That meal was even Brownsier than I thought it would be… How do you fuck up a bread stick?”

Has there ever been a sports franchise that loses the way the Browns do?  They really do show up each week and Play Like A Brown.  I know that popular opinion suggests that when adversity is faced, efforts must be increased to overcome it.  Winners never quit.  Nose to the grindstone.  It’s time to re-think that in Berea.  I say once again people, let’s shut this thing down.  History has shown us time and time again that the Browns cannot win.  It is impossible. The players change.  The staff changes.  The ownership even changed.  It makes no difference in the Brownsyness of the outcome.  How much longer must we devote ourselves to this doomed quest?  

As the Browns are contractually obligated to play at least this season out, I suppose we need to prepare ourselves for next week.  God knows what Brownsy thing will happen…  Fumble during the “victory formation” and the opposition returns for a game winner?  Kick shanked off the helmet of the pass rush?  Long Hail Mary TD pass called back for too many men on the field?  I guarantee you that whatever crazy ass way you dream up for them to lose, they will discover a completely new disaster that never even flashed across your mind for an instant. That is their genius.  For the rest of the season before we shutter the team for good (I suggest a public referendum), let us now just revel in the Brownsyness of it all.  We need to appreciate what they do well, better than anyone in fact.  Let’s get Brownsy.

Go Browns.  


-Greg Miller

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Posted by on Oct 5 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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