The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Of Course They Lost


I went to the Browns game Sunday.  This violates my normal policy of attending events primarily made up of assholes, but circumstance had placed me in the lion’s den.  It should be noted that the last time I have seen that many blindly drunk men in one location was when I was in a spooky Dutch port town where a British nuclear submarine had docked after being underwater for three months.  I don’t know what crappy soccer team they all rooted for, but dollars to doughnuts it was the one Randy Lerner owns.  Those sailors had the same “we’re not going to win so let’s drink like the world is ending” style as most of the Browns fans yesterday.

There wasn’t anyone in that stadium that expected the game to end in any other way.  By the time the second half rolled around things were looking quite Brownsy.  Peyton Manning, displaying the same athleticism as a Miami Dolphin era Bernie Kosar, did everything in his power to provide the Browns an opportunity to pull a win out.  When he threw that horrible seemingly backbreaking interception to Barkevious Mingo things looked good to the untrained eye.  I was as surprised as anyone to see Mingo make that play as I had assumed he was still in witness protection in Nebraska somewhere and was unaware he played on the Browns any longer.  The Browns were unable to take advantage of that gift however as they decided to call two “drop back, get sacked, and get yourself out of game winning field goal range” plays from deep in the playbook.  Many older men wept openly with fond memories of Jeff Garcia during this sequence.

I’m still not sure what happened when the Browns appeared poised to score a game winning touchdown at the end of regulation.  This is mostly because I was focused on watching a guy barf up a meatball.  Say what you will about my dedication to the team, but when a middle aged man is barfing in your general area, that requires 100% of your attention.  From what I was able to piece together later it seemed as if the Browns stumbled into being able to score the winning touchdown and then opted to go into the “Defeat Formation” by running it up the gut with “The Crow” to play for the tie.  This plan was very Cleveland Brown as it enabled Denver to conserve the clock and allow them the option of winning in regulation OR in overtime.  This is what Playing Like A Brown is all about.

There will be callers to sports talk radio shows that will have the opinion that McCown was somehow the problem.  These people are fools and whose opinion should be weighed with the same regard as a goat or any other barnyard animal. There wasn’t a single receiver open during the first half.  I thought Brian Hartline was open once, but I dismissed that idea when I remembered that by contract he only runs routes on the field and is not allowed to be actually thrown to in a game situation.  The Browns adjusted and went back to their policy of throwing only to Benjamin or the suddenly unstoppable Gary Barnidge.  This had some limited success against a really good Denver defense.  John W. Football would have turned the ball over nine to eleven times in this game.  I was going to make some snide remark about him here, but I didn’t want his vapid girlfriend to write something mean about me attached to a photo of her making pouty lip faces.


John W. Football is not the answer, and has never been the answer.  Forget about him.  He is dead to you.  

The Browns loss was not “heartbreaking” as many media outlets have reported.  It was expected.  While the details were not known, all of us felt a looming Brownsy end to the game, and that’s what we got.  As the Broncos trotted off the field slapping each other’s backs at being the worst 6-0 team in NFL history, Browns fans filed out of the stadium with a sense that the inevitable had happened.  One could no more get upset at the Broncos winning this game as they could for the sun rising in the morning.  It is the natural order of things.

Go Browns.


-Greg Miller

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Posted by on Oct 19 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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