The DEFEND Cleveland Show

All Hope Is Lost

All Hope Is Lost - BrownsRams

By the time you finish reading this the Browns have been called for another holding penalty.  I was looking over the stats from the game, and it appears that the Browns were called for 117 holding penalties costing them almost one thousand yards of offense.  There was a stretch during the game in which they were flagged 34 times in a row for holding.  This was in addition to the 27 times in which they were flagged for false start.  I will have to go over the tape, but I think that the only offensive plays that they ran without a flag all resulted in fumbles.  There were quite a few guys “Playing Like A Brown” out there.

Mike Pettine commented after the game about the crowd noise being a factor.  I’m paraphrasing here, but he said something like “The sound of the crowd was like The Voice of God Himself descending from the heavens and shaking the foundation of the building.  It rattled the very souls of our players.  We had no chance.  No chance whatsoever.”  I found this comment to be odd.  I was at the game.  The stadium was 60% full and had about the same level of crowd noise as a Royal Lipizzaner Stallions performance.  St. Louis fans are pissed at the team as the owner keeps trying to move the team to Juarez Mexico, so they stopped coming to games.  I’d say about a third of the people dotting the empty seats in the end zones thought they were supposed to be attending a Monster Truck show, and were understandably surprised to see a bunch of Browns receivers almost get decapitated on slant routes.  “Merle!  That little fella in the ugly pants almost got killed right there!  Hey, when is Bigfoot coming out?”

I don’t want to make a cliché statement about the Browns being dominated physically.  I do want to say that there are people that were involved in horrific car wrecks that feel better than Josh McCown right now.  Gary Barnidge got a tooth knocked out for God’s sake.  This is especially demoralizing as this team is in Year Two of The Masterplan of “Running the Ball and Stopping the Run”.  Ram running back Todd Gurley looked suspiciously like what a #1 draft pick is supposed to look like as he ran over, around, and through the Browns for a couple of touchdowns.  Meanwhile the Browns offensive line of three #1 picks were dominated for the second week in a row.  It’s not a good situation.  I think we can all agree that The Masterplan is not working.

The Browns have no ability to identify talent.  This year’s #1 pick Danny Shelton is “off to a slow start” by his own admission.  The other #1 is Cameron Erving.  I’m told he plays on the offensive line, though he doesn’t play in games so I can’t confirm his position.  Last year’s number one picks are hoping the team throws in the towel on 2015 and lets him play (John Football) or returning kicks because they can’t play cornerback on a team with two starters out for injury (Gilbert).  The number one pick from two years ago, Mingo, went back into witness relocation and is quietly moving lumber with a tow motor at a Home Depot in Wichita KS under the name of “Earl Brockington”.  The #1 picks from three years ago include Brandon Weeden, who was busy as a Cowboy watching his replacement throw 3 interceptions in 5 passes and still couldn’t get in, and Trent Richardson who is “pursuing other opportunities outside of football”.  I think he teaches hot yoga.  I am not an expert, but these choices may or may not be contributing to the Browns being non-competitive.

This week’s distraction will be if John Football will start (he will) and if he will be punished by the NFL for getting drunk and fighting with his girlfriend (he won’t).  John is doomed to fail as the Browns play an outstanding Arizona defense and he will be behind an awful offensive line while throwing to small receivers that can’t get open.  The running game will be non-existent as always.  On defense the team will give up their usual 150 yards on the ground while Larry Fitzgerald and John Browns catch 23 passes for three touchdowns.  There are going to be some pissed off drunks in rubber dog masks this Sunday as this snowball looks to be gaining momentum.  The team has now lost 10 of their last 12 going across two seasons.  Debates are now centered on “What’s worse?  Personnel, scheme or playcalling?”.  The answer is “Yes”.  

As the team prepares to commit 12 penalties this week in backbreaking fashion, we can only hope they work in a few new variations to their game plan of run/holding/false start/incomplete/5 yard completion/punt.  As they review film today, they will note that plan was very ineffective.  Unfortunately, the Browns now have to face Arizona, Thursday on the road in Cincinnati, followed by Pittsburgh with Roethlesberger back.  At the bye, this team could well be 2-8 and focused on bungling next year’s #1 draft pick.  A Cleveland tradition, discussing the relative merits of future bust NFL QBs, should be well under way by Thanksgiving as the team snuggles into 4-12 or 5-11.  

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

 

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Posted by on Oct 26 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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