The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Week 4: Beware The Horror

Photo by John Kuntz for Cleveland.com used without permission

I was in the recording studio all weekend, so I did not watch the Browns game as it happened.  I had a device set to the Red Zone Channel which enabled me to watch various Bengal players laugh it up doing cartwheels in the end zone every 20 minutes, so I knew what had happened by the time I watched the recorded game moments ago.  I approached watching the tape like I did watching “Titanic”.  I knew the ship was going down, I just wanted to see how.  I was even hoping I would enjoy it like I did when people fell to their doom off the back of the ship in “Titanic”.  It’s all about how the style of a disaster.  During the Golden Age of Brandon Weeden, getting there was half of the fun.  At least twice a game I would yell out, “Holy fuck!  Did you see that!  Was that a shovel pass across the field that got picked off?”.  Those days are behind us.  It is now Complete Team Dysfunction.  It lacks a certain flair, but they have achieved a sort of perfection in failure.

I reviewed the tape very closely.  I really got between the lines.  I looked at plays from many angles and speeds.  After this exhaustive film session I have come to the following conclusion.  The Cleveland Browns suffer from being a poorly run organization which has gathered a poor group of talent which is being coached poorly.  With the exception of that one main issue, The Process is working just fine.  It is all coming together just like they have promised.

Where does one start with the Browns?  None of the players they have drafted appear to be an impact player.  All of the players taken in the first two rounds over the last two years appear unable to make a positive contribution.  This is an issue as The Process was allegedly about amassing cherry draft picks and then bringing in Exciting Young Talent that would be a nucleus of untold greatness for ages to come.  Instead what has happened is that a shady guy that owns a bunch of truckstops hired a lawyer and a baseball guy to cut loose some crummy football players and replace them with some out and out shitty football players.    

The current regime is 1-19.  This is in a league that goes out of its way to create parity.  It would be almost impossible to string together the failure this organization does within the rules of the NFL.  While many people stand with mouths agape watching the Patriots succeed year after year, the absolute total failure of the Browns to even be competitive is much more amazing.  I believe that if you pitted the current Browns front office and their draft strategy up against a pony named Mr. Gimlet, Mr. Gimlet would have more success in finding playmakers in the draft.  Maybe the pony could take a dump on the picture of the guy he wanted to draft.  The team would have to work out that system, but rest assured it would be better than what is happening now.  The team could spin a wheel with potential players on it and take whoever was unlucky enough to have his number hit.  “The Wheel of Woe” could offer a positive move ahead for this organization.  It has to be better than the existing decision making.  

I would also like to say something out loud that we have all been thinking.  Maybe Hue Jackson isn’t a good coach.  We have seen bad coaches here in Cleveland.  We know what they look like.  I am pretty sure Hue Jackson looks like those other guys.  He has that “this thing has gotten away from me” look of Romeo Crennel while also having the “this is all smoke and mirrors” vibe of Eric Mangini.  I realize that Jackson is one of 200 “quarterback whisperers” all the TV guys talk about, but shouldn’t a “quarterback whisperer” be able to produce tangible results from that position?  So far “The Quarterback Whisperer” has gotten nothing from RG3, watched McCown get killed, Cody “Trust Me” Kessler regress, and Franchise QB DeShone Kizer looks like exactly the same kid from Notre Dame that held the ball too long and made bad decisions.  Shouldn’t one of those guys gotten better on his watch?  Even a little bit?

The Browns look outmatched from the first snap.  Then the other teams tweak their gameplans and start beating the crap out of the Browns while Hue Jackson stands there in his headphones and folds his plastic card of ineffective plays.  I often wonder what is on that card as all the plays seem to consist of Crowell up the middle once, and two wild throws to guys that can’t catch it anyway.  The only guy that holds the football is Kizer.  I am convinced Kenny Britt is Dwayne Bowe with a fake passport.  There is no hope on offense.  None.  The billion dollar line is unable to run block.  Why the Jets just ran for 250 yards and the Browns ran for 11 when the offensive line gets paid more than the GNP of Brazil, I have no clue.  Every single player but Duke Johnson on that offense blows.  They need a QB, a running back, TE, four receivers, and four linemen.  Besides that, The Core of The Future is set.

The defense is a wild gambling unit with that telltale Greg Williams trait of being “not very good”.  Greg Williams swaggers around screaming profanity while wearing coaching shorts.  He is the very definition of “looking the part and getting the job”.  It is a damn shame he is unable to figure a way out to stop any of the other previously anemic offenses the Browns have faced.  How many points will the Packers put up on these guys?  80?  The Browns front seven puts no pressure on anyone, which is unfortunate as the secondary can’t cover anybody.  This is what many in football call “a recipe for disaster”.  Hence, losing to the Bengals 31-7 at home.

I once again am calling for the city to look deep into their hearts and sturdy themselves for what must be done.  This needs to stop.  Let’s close this thing down.  It’s not for us.  We just can’t do it.  Football is a bad idea here with the carpetbaggers that have nestled into Berea like ticks.  Let’s end the franchise.  Wipe the memory of The Browns from our minds.  Let’s start fresh again in a few years after the gas station guy and his friends have gone back to Arkansas or wherever they’re from and get back to selling Jeff Foxworthy DVDs and off brand energy drinks off America’s highways.  That suits them.  This pro football thing is too much for them.  

P.S.  We will likely lose to the Jets at home next week setting up the very real scenario of chasing 0-16 again.  This team might be worse than last year.  Get ready.

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Oct 2 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

1 Comment for “Week 4: Beware The Horror”

  1. Newbomb

    Isn’t this republished from last year? Just put this article on a scheduled Monday post for the remainder of the season and collect your checks.

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