The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Week 5: There Is No Hope

Photo by John Kuntz for Cleveland.com, and used without permission

A number of years ago I had an ingrown big toenail.  I went to a podiatrist’s office where a bored doctor looked down at my foot and said I needed a “procedure” to take care of it.  I asked him when we should schedule it, and he matter-of-factly said “we can just do it now if you want.”  As I am generally cautious when I hear words like “procedure”, I asked for more information.  The doctor told me he would give me a Novocain shot, “just like at the dentist”, and then would quickly chop my nail back into shape.  I agreed to it because he made it seem so insignificant.  He then returned a few minutes later with a series of large needles which he stuck into my big toe and the webbing between my toes eight (8) times.  It was a horrible episode that was reminiscent of the medieval execution and torture scenes at the end of the movie Braveheart.  Finally the drugs kicked in.  “Hey man…  That was nothing like going to the dentist…  That was terrible.”  He looked at me expressionlessly and said, “Oh, I know.  You never would have agreed to it if I would have told you the truth.”

Let me be frank.  I would rather get that toe procedure again than have been forced to attend that Jets vs Browns game on Sunday.  The Browns are so terrible in absolutely all facets of the game, there is no hope for a victory.  At no point do they offer anything approaching “entertainment”.  I cannot understand why anyone would go through the hassle of driving downtown, spending $700 to park and then watch that shit.  When I see people in costumes supporting the team and hoping for victory, I think they must be mentally ill.  It is a pointless undertaking for the Browns to even attempt to win an NFL game.  They are outmatched in personnel, coaching, game planning, and even uniform design.  They need to forfeit the rest of the season and stop operations immediately.

The Browns won’t do that though.  They will continue to waste their (and our) time by fielding a non-competitive team and dangle the possibility of future glories to come from the vast talent which is being assembled.  The major issue in that grand scheme appears to be the inability to identify and secure that talent.  The Browns are a group of young players that aren’t very good that will eventually be slightly older men that don’t play pro football any longer.  There are not many bright spots out there.  Garrett…  Njoku…  Shelton?   The players just aren’t there.

The elephant in the room will be the quarterback debate this week.  There is no way that you can win a game with DeShone Kizer at quarterback.  It is impossible.  It was shocking how much better the offense looked with Kevin Hogan in at QB.  Hogan, clearly not a franchise QB candidate, at least looks like he knows the basic idea of what to do.  Kizer is a fucking disaster.  Kizer will gather sympathy because he seems like a genuinely nice kid.  He also unfortunately looks unable to do the job.  He should be placed on the bench and forgotten.  “DeShone, coach said you don’t have to go to practice any more.  You can sit in the meetings, but don’t talk.”  It’s time to draft another QB this Spring.  He ain’t the guy.

The problem is that the front office offers up no confidence that they can identify who “the guy” is.  They didn’t want Wentz, who appears to be an upcoming star.  They didn’t draft Watson, who just set a record for rookie QBs last week.  They passed on Trubisky, who will undoubtedly become Johnny Fucking Unitas.  Instead, they draft Kizer and Kessler.  They have no idea of what they are doing.  None.  This isn’t opinion.  It’s a simple fact.    

That might be the most interesting part about the Browns.  The season is over.  It’s done.  The only point of interest will be to see if they can go 0-16.  There will be a call to stay the course and not turn over the entire organization again.  In theory that would seem to be the correct move for continuity.  The problem is that there is no reason to believe that any of the people in key roles are able to accomplish their jobs at even the bare minimum level.  Hue Jackson is 1-20.  None of the players from last year’s draft are doing anything noteworthy.  They just lost to a Jets team that has our 39 year old castoff QB and is trying to tank the season.  Even our kicker blows.  As a Browns fan, what can you possibly cling to?  I hope Myles Garrett can somehow escape from here so he can have a good career somewhere.  Joe Thomas sits in that locker room every day as a cautionary tale of a wasted pro football career for all to see.  I don’t know if Garrett needs to have a hunger strike or maybe just drive to Pittsburgh and claim asylum like Cuban baseball players used to do.  He better figure out something fast before the bad karma of this place leads to his leg being amputated.  

The only bright spot for Browns fans is knowing that the team sent one of their home games to London, which is the cultural version of a town dumping raw sewage into a river to send it to the next town downstream.  I feel sorry for those Brits.  They don’t deserve that.  I have no idea of why anyone would want to watch a Browns game.  I have no real idea of why I just did.  It must be habit.  There is no hope.  There is no future.  Forget about the Browns.  Shut it down and spare the city the continued embarrassment.    

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Oct 8 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

1 Comment for “Week 5: There Is No Hope”

  1. david stoops

    best live…..“DeShone, coach said you don’t have to go to practice any more.  You can sit in the meetings, but don’t talk.”  

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