The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Week 6: Any Given Sunday My Ass

Former NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle uttered the famous statement “On Any Given Sunday” in regards to league parity.  When he said that, there is no way he could have imagined the horror of the 2017 Cleveland Browns.  They make you nostalgic for the Johnny Manziel era Browns.  The team takes the field each week with no chance of winning.  It is inconceivable that they can win.  Any scenario that you work though in your mind comes to only one logical conclusion: Defeat and Humiliation.  The only discussion prior to each game is about how quickly they will be out of it.  That game today was over by 1:25pm.  

I was thinking about just writing one generic column that I could contribute with the difference being just moving out the key details.  For example, is there any reason why Defend Cleveland cannot just set the following to run each Sunday night?

“Holy mother of ass, did the Browns suck today.  It was easy to see by five minutes into the first quarter that the team was completely fucking fucked.  The shitty quarterback was overwhelmed and running for his life hoping to throw it to any of the completely covered shitty receivers, so he just chucked it to the other team’s defensive backs instead.  The defense got blown out early as the other team moved effortlessly in ten yard chunks until that long ass touchdown pass where Jabril Peppers was completely out of position.  Danny Shelton danced around like a drunk Aunt at a wedding reception when he made a meaningless tackle in the third quarter when the team was down by four scores.  Myles Garrett allegedly played, but I don’t remember him doing anything.  One of the Browns tight ends scored a garbage time touchdown at the end and then celebrated like he just won a trade out of Cleveland.  After the game the Coach said the team needs to learn from the loss and it is all part of the process.”

I am not sure how a team regresses from 1-15, but they did it.  The team had 27 draft picks and once again seemed to miss on every single one of them.  If this team was dissolved tomorrow, which is a great idea whose time has come, almost none of these players would get picked up by another team.  I can’t even tell how badly the coaching is because there is so little talent out there it is impossible to evaluate if the weekly game plan is sound.  Who the hell knows if these coaches know what they are doing?  None of those guys on the roster can play.  When watching other NFL games, it seems like other teams are playing another sport than the Browns.  It’s like the Browns front office found some guys hanging around a gym and told them the basic rules of football on the drive over to the stadium.  

I saw on Twitter that the Dalai Lama weighed in with divine wisdom with his post “Kevin Hogan is worse than DeShone Kizer who is worse than Kevin Hogan”.  That is why he is the Dalai Lama and you are watching the Browns lose to the Texans.  You think the Dalai Lama spent three hours watching that game?  No way.  He was probably waterskiing with Megan Fox and Snoop Dogg.  I bet they went out for nachos afterwards.   

There is no progress being made.  There is no player development.  The team is somehow moving backwards from what was the absolute bottom.  The only way to move ahead is to storm the Browns HQ like the Bastille in the French Revolution, serve up the front office and ownership to the bloodthirsty mob, destroy the stadium and plow salt into the earth where it stood.  I recognize that this is going a bit further than most sports franchise “rebuilds”, but desperate measures are required in desperate times.  Let’s get the torches and pitchforks gathered.

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Oct 15 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

1 Comment for “Week 6: Any Given Sunday My Ass”

  1. David Stoops

    “Completely fucking fucked”
    Brilliant

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