The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Week 7: Here We Go Again, Again

There was a point in the game when it appeared the unthinkable might happen.  No, I am not suggesting that the Browns would win.  No, my fear was that the team would tie the game and throw a wrench into the purity of their mission of futility.  0-15-1 is somehow uglier than 0-16.  That tie would have been worse than kissing your sister.  It would have been further down the scale of unnatural acts with one’s sister, like something that is punishable with jail time or being the focus of a fetish pornographic website on The Deep Web.  A win seemed impossible at the time, and now after the game seems laughable.  The Titans escaped with their dignity intact.

The Browns/Titans game of October 22, 2017 needs to be scrubbed from our collective memories.  It was a horrible football game.  There have been plenty of Preseason Game Fours that have had crisper play and more drama than what happened in First Energy Stadium on Sunday.  Neither offense was able to do anything.  This had nothing to do with either defense, which both played adequately, but were far from fearsome.  No, it was that neither offense could muster up anything of interest or execute even the most simple pass route.  Tennessee had the edge.  Marcus Mariota on one leg is still better than anyone playing QB for the Browns.  I suspect that Mariota might be better than Kizer without the use of both legs and playing on a Rascal brand scooter.  Don’t get me wrong, Mariota still sucked too, just not as bad as either Brown QB.

Let’s all admit what has been collectively gnawing at the back of our brains.  DeShone Kizer will never be able to become a franchise QB.  I will go one further.  I do not believe that DeShone Kizer will ever win a game in the NFL.  There is no amount of him standing around in a baseball cap on the sideline that will prevent him from making shit stupid throws in the Red Zone when he gets in the game.  It’s what he did at Notre Dame.  It’s what he does as a Brown.  One day he will briefly do it in preseason as a Texan or 49er.  Then he will be out of football.  He is not The Answer.  Some poor college kid is going to have his number come up next Spring and be forced to become the next failed Browns franchise QB.  I feel bad for that kid at USC.  Every week the Browns rotate their Triplicate of Shit at QB, that USC QB is one step closer to having his life ruined by becoming a Brown.  He better make the most of his last year in college.  It really is going to be the end of The Best Years of His Life.

I would imagine this week various Browns psychofans will be looking for the silver lining of Cody Kessler coming in and looking like Cody Kessler.  He looks better this year than he did last year because this year the point of comparison is DeShone Kizer, the worst starting QB of the 2010s.  Kessler still sucks though.  Kessler is a QB that can make some of the throws to keep the team moving the chains for a bit, and then not be able to make the type of play necessary to win games.  He is a couple steps below a “game manager”.  The Browns are not good enough to win with a “game manager”, unless they get to play the Titans a few times a year.  They are certainly not good enough to win with Kessler, though it appears Kessler might be the best they’ve got.  It’s like pretending to be excited that Ty Detmer is the QB again.  

That game was so boring I fell asleep twice, woke up, and realized I didn’t miss anything.  Crowell off tackle for three.  Crowell sweep right for loss of two.  Incomplete pass.  Punt.  Titans ball.  Murray off tackle for six.  Murray sweep left for two.  Incomplete pass to the tight end.  Punt.  A field goal happened.  Some penalties.  Some ineffective running plays.  Joe Thomas got hurt.  Some more bad passes.  A bunch of fans left the stadium.  Overtime.  The Browns, as expected, lose.  

Next week the Browns will get the living crap kicked out of them by the Vikings in London.  What did those poor Brits do to allow themselves to have that event staged in their country?  Oh well, it serves them right after we have to endure Ed Sheeran records.  The Browns will fly home for the bye week at 0-8 with a win nowhere on the horizon and Jimmy will have an itchy trigger finger to fire somebody.  Who can he fire?  Everyone?  Who cares?  The only thing that matters now is chasing the 0-16.  This team can do it.  It’s the only goal worth focusing on now.

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Oct 23 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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