The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Week 8: Browns Play London, Too Bad They Can’t Just Stay There

Photo by Matt Dunham for Cleveland.com, used without permision

This was probably my favorite Browns game of the year.  Getting the loss out of the way by Noon is an amazing way to reclaim Sundays and theoretically add a little productivity.  I would firmly suggest that the organization moves all future games to a 9am start.  In fact, I would suggest that the team moves to London permanently.  Maybe we can somehow tangle the Browns into Brexit.  By the time the British figure out that they willingly destroyed their own economy, they will also have the bad news sink in that they are stuck with the London Browns.  “Didn’t see that comin’, did ya mate?”

At this point even the sportswriters and broadcasters have run out of positive spin for the Browns.  Hue Jackson, his enthusiasm and sense of hope gone, admitted that “things have to be perfect for us to win a football game”.  The team, now halfway through Year 2 of The Plan, has somehow even less talent than the team that this front office took over.  Granted, I don’t have access to the “analytics” of the geniuses in Browns front office, but even I know that to repair a 3-13 football team it isn’t necessary to make it worse first.  If the Browns front office ran a garage, they would have taken a car that came in with a bad alignment, taken a hard look at it and said, “Well, if we are going to fix that alignment, we better pour some sugar in that gas tank first.  Let’s make this a total rebuild!”.  

The Rams were in the same basic place as the Browns two years ago.  Both teams needed to rebuild.  The Rams are now 5-3 and in first place in their division.  The Browns have somehow regressed.  I am not sure how they regressed from the #2 pick in the draft, but they did.  As we look at the revolutionary idea of running a football team with a baseball executive and a lawyer, I think we can now all look with a clear mind and say “What a shit stupid idea that was.”.  The roster is filled with the players that the baseball guy and lawyer decided to sign.  Almost none of those players will be here in two years.  They have no idea what they are doing.

The team will have to suffer through two more months of humiliating defeats.  They aren’t even good enough to get in the position of being Brownsy and losing in heartbreaking fashion.  That’s the worst part.  Even the losses aren’t interesting.  Take this week for example.  By sticking close with the obviously disinterested Vikings for a half, it seemed like they might actually win the game.  Then the Vikings woke up and dropped 17 points in the 4th quarter.  The second half looked like Kent State vs Alabama.  The Browns have no chance at winning these types of games, and by “these types of games”, I mean “against other NFL teams”.  I agree with Jackson.  Things have to be a perfect storm for them to even have a look at a potential win.

A few quick points before we can stop thinking about the Browns for another week.  

  1.  Kicker Zane Gonzalez should start hoarding Browns hoodies and sweat pants.  He should take as much free Gatorade home as possible.  I don’t think he will be playing football for money very much longer.  
  2.  The coaching staff did a good job and recognized the obvious in not having Kizer chuck it downfield to guys that can’t get open and then not catch it if they were somehow open.  It’s so much better when Kizer throws those five yard passes 200 mph and makes it as tough to catch as possible.  
  3.  The defense looked OK at times.  They can’t seem to look OK for three plays in a row though.  That’s why they gave up 30 points.  For the Browns to have a chance to win, they need to only give up 10.  So there’s that.
  4.  The Vikings line up in a third and eight.  The Browns have the safeties lined up 17 yards back.  The Vikings throw a pass underneath for a first down.  Repeat for the entire second half.
  5.  The receiving core is so bad it boggles the mind.  I would love to know the analytics of ignoring the lack of playmakers at that position.  They must have thought that one of the four receivers they drafted last year would “emerge”.  They have “emerged”.  They have “emerged” as “guys other teams wouldn’t sign”.

It is fascinating to ponder what the Browns do next.  The team is a riddle inside of an onion.  How would you even start to try to fix this?  The over-his-head owner hires unqualified front office people who assemble a terrible roster that bad coaches bark out poorly thought out plans.  If it was a Broadway play, it would close quietly and the theater be shuttered.  I am fully in favor of that plan.  Everyone needs to go their separate ways and years from now philosophically pretend it was a worthwhile effort.  “I don’t regret my time with the 2017 Browns.  The losing was hard, but you know, we learned some valuable life lessons going through that and blah blah blah…”.  This team is going 0-16.  There’s no stopping it now.  Abandon ship.

Go Browns.      

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Oct 30 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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