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Browns Bungle Trade – Special Edition

By now I am sure you heard that the Browns somehow bungled trading for AJ McCarron because they couldn’t get the forms sent in correctly.  There is a version of the story where the Browns say the Bengals messed up the paperwork, but this doesn’t jive with any facts on NFL trade protocol.  There is another version of the story, which I prefer, that says the Browns were so busy celebrating the deal that they forgot to send the paperwork by the deadline.  I love the idea that the Browns were so busy backslapping and high fiving that no one sent in the paperwork.  It must have been quite a moment in that room when someone first asked “Hey, did you send that document to the League Office?”.  Umm…  What’s that?

This is what this team has been missing.  We have really needed that true Brownsy moment where we can all feel the comfort of knowing “that’s our Browns”.  The losses have been consistent but predictable.  This season hasn’t really produced that hopelessly inept episode that no other sports franchise could have possibly fucked up but the Browns.  This one is probably an all time great.  If this happened at any other organization, the entire front office would be fired.  There are certain teams where the offending parties would be lined up in front of team headquarters and executed.  Here it is business as usual, and frankly, I love it.  It’s much more interesting than the team just getting their dicks kicked in the dirt by the Vikings.

The trade itself is baffling, which makes the incident even better.  Jimmy Garoppolo, who most of the league has been drooling over, gets moved to the 49ers for a second round pick.  My gut tells me that the Browns were asleep at the wheel and never even considered that Garoppolo was in play.  I hope it was some equipment guy that broke the news to Sashi Brown via an ESPN text alert.  Then the Browns, awake from their slumber, decide they need to do something.  Anything.  So they make the bold move to make an even larger bid that it took to get Garoppolo to try to get AJ McCarron, a guy that can’t beat out a floundering Andy Dalton.  

The Bengals must have been giddy with disbelief at their luck of getting the Browns offer.  “Mike…  I shit you not, the Browns just called and offered as a second and third for AJ.  Yes, I am serious.  What?  Yes!  Of course I said yes!  We are trying to get the paperwork in before those dumbfucks realized what they just did!”  The Bengals must have been even more stunned than Browns fans that the major impediment to the deal happening was the Browns couldn’t press “send” on an email before 4pm.  

So now 21 year old DeShone Kizer is going to work where they know they don’t want him.  I would imagine the team went into “100% bullshit mode” with him all last night.  “DeShone…  Look… We love you.  We were just bringing in AJ as a backup.  He was coming in to help YOU!  No big thing.  Let’s just get back to work.”  They will have to hope that Kizer doesn’t know how to work a smartphone and look up how often Hue Jackson has said he wanted McCarron as his starter.  Then again, Kizer easily beat out Cody “trust me” Kessler, so there’s no reason to believe Hue Jackson knows what he is talking about with McCarron either.   

This is a good news/bad news scenario.  The good news is that the Browns did not get McCarron, who is clearly a journeyman quarterback.  The bad news is that the Browns once again misindentified a player as a possible franchise QB, tried to overpay for him, and then couldn’t even fill out the forms correctly. One of the difficult parts of looking at the Browns is figuring out which part is the most dysfunctional of the team.  We think the roster isn’t talented enough.  We are pretty sure the coaches aren’t very good.  Now we know for sure that the front office is the absolute worst.  Who could have seen something like this happen when a lawyer and a baseball guy try to run a football team?  This was the absolute biggest highlight of the season.  Thank you Browns.  At last you are entertaining again.  

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

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Posted by on Nov 1 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

1 Comment for “Browns Bungle Trade – Special Edition”

  1. Jim Szabo

    My maxim in life is that all managers are either stupid or evil. In the Browns’ case, the front office has proven stupid again and again, but in this scenario, I like the evil path: coach-front office relationship is so bad, with Hue asking for stuff over and over and Sashi not delivering, that in this case, maybe Sashi was………..just……….slow.

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