The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Weak 14: Let’s Play Browns Lose Again “Fill In The Blank”

Photo by John Kuntz for Cleveland.com, used and edited without permission

Allow me to be completely honest with you.  I did not watch anything but the bitter end of that game, I was busy with more important matters, as you probably should have been as well.  I am out on the West Coast where Cleveland Browns football is a sad thing to have come up in conversation.  If you somehow end up talking NFL with someone out here and mention that you are from Cleveland, the reaction is similar to as if you told them your mother is stricken with inoperable cancer.  There is usually a quick intake of breath and then a stammering “I’m so sorry” as they count their own blessings for being relatively cursed 49er or Raider fans.

I saw that the Browns went up 21-7 and all looked well in hand.  I was watching the proceedings on the ESPN app and even remarked to a guy next to me “Hey, the Browns are going to win.”.  From all outward appearances, this seemed an irrefutable claim.  They had the game in hand and the Packers looked terrible.  It seemed to be all backslapping and hand jobs at First Energy Stadium until right around the end of the third quarter.  Even two thousand miles away I could feel the mojo turn away from the Browns.  It was like that horn sound in the movie “Patton” when the score went to 21-14.  I knew trouble was afoot.

I had considered writing this column on Friday.  I thought about approaching it with the players’ names crossed out despite knowing the destined end result.  Example:  “The game turned when _______ failed to make the same play he has failed to make all year, which led to the Packers to  _______ and then wildly celebrating.  Even though that was a disaster, the Browns still had every opportunity to win.  However, even I didn’t imagine that _______ would somehow ________ and completely cost the Browns the game.   _______ is awful and they never should have drafted him.”  

I haven’t seen the actual highlights, but I am certain that would work as a recap.  The only thing I saw was the Packers scoring late and tying it.  Let’s be honest.  We all knew there was no fucking way the Browns would rally at that point.  I would like to say it is because they are snake bit or something else out of their control, but they just can’t play.  Kizer managed to put himself back in position to fulfill his destiny of being an NFL quarterback that will never win a game.  I had the sound off but I could almost hear the entire stadium yell out “Nooooo!!!!!” when that duck interception floated out.  Well, not everyone.  The 38,000 Packer fans at the stadium seemed quite pleased.  After that, it was a foregone conclusion that this almost Biblical streak of failure would continue.  Hallelujah.  

I suppose Browns fans are supposed to feel better that Dorsey is GM.  I know that when I heard the news The Lawyer was gone, I wasn’t thinking “Phew!  Problem’s solved!”.  I was thinking “How long until they find a guy that can coach and scrape up 40 better players?”.  I was also thinking “Why didn’t they fire The Baseball Guy and The Crappy Head Coach?”.  The bottom line is this current group is almost magical in their ability in finding failure.  They aren’t going to “learn how to win”.  They all need to be replaced in a “New Rebuilding Plan”.  For those of you scoring at home, this is the 14th Rebuilding Plan in the last 18 years.  This one will work for sure.  Trust the process.

I will admit I did laugh out loud when they lost.  It was somehow perfect.  I really want the 0-16 parade.  It seems likes destiny now.  This was the game that scared me.  I don’t think anything stands in the Browns way of running the table at this point.  This loss was easily the most spectacular of the season.  It’s the 2017 team’s version of that blocked field goal loss to then Ravens last season.  Or was that two years ago?  It’s so hard to remember when the last Sunday win was with John W. Football at QB over 700+ days ago.  Here we go Brownies, here we go.  Woof.  Woof.

Go Browns.

 

-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at http://nursethehate.blogspot.com/

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.

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Posted by on Dec 11 2017. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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