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Week 6: Any Given Sunday My Ass

Former NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle uttered the famous statement “On Any Given Sunday” in regards to league parity.  When he said that, there is no way he could have imagined the horror of the 2017 Cleveland Browns.  They make you nostalgic for the Johnny Manziel era Browns.  The team takes the field each week with […]

Week 5: There Is No Hope

A number of years ago I had an ingrown big toenail.  I went to a podiatrist’s office where a bored doctor looked down at my foot and said I needed a “procedure” to take care of it.  I asked him when we should schedule it, and he matter-of-factly said “we can just do it now […]

Week 4: Beware The Horror

I was in the recording studio all weekend, so I did not watch the Browns game as it happened.  I had a device set to the Red Zone Channel which enabled me to watch various Bengal players laugh it up doing cartwheels in the end zone every 20 minutes, so I knew what had happened […]

Week 3: Our Brownsy Season Dance Is In Full Swing

  There can’t be much debate.  The Browns are once again the worst team in the NFL.  In a game in which they were favored on the road, something of a gambling unicorn, they showed why they should never be expected to win a road game under any circumstances.  They somehow made a Jacoby Brissett […]

Week 2: That’s Why You Never Bet On The Browns

At the end of the Browns game I was one of the few degenerates that was still fully emotionally invested in the Browns scoring an otherwise meaningless touchdown to cut the Ravens win to seven points.  You see, I had tied to Browns into a “teaser” bet, also known as a “sucker bet”.  I had […]

Week 1: Did The Browns Just Look Like An Actual NFL Team?

The Browns season started as all Browns seasons must, with total disaster.  A blocked punt resulting in a touchdown with Steelers special teams players doing The Robot in your end zone is not what one is looking for in your home opener.  Everyone’s social media feed in Northeast Ohio exploded with a variation of “…fucking […]

Browns(y) 2017 Season Preview

    Here come your 2017 Cleveland Browns!  Another season of doom and disappointment awaits!  Yet there is an odd combination of ambivalence and hope amongst the fans.  The last time we had hope was when we thought John Football was going to do amazing things in Cleveland.  To be fair, John Football did do […]

“My Team Has More Picks Than Your Team, Losers!” – A Browns 2017 Draft First Round Recap

Many fans were critical of the Browns trading down yet again in the draft last night.  Fans wonder why the Browns continue to pass on Blue Chip players to acquire more picks in later rounds.  This is because the fans do not understand “analytics”.  The Browns have seized upon a tremendous strategic game plan and […]

The Brownsiest Of All Browns Games This Season Ends The Brownsiest Browns Year Ever

Yesterday in Pittsburgh, the Browns created one of their “Instant Classics”.  It is exceedingly rare to see an NFL team make almost no effort to win a game as the Steelers did, yet still somehow come away with the victory.  By the second quarter their own fans were booing them as the revelation hit them […]

So This Is What 0-14 Looks Like

It’s not that the Browns lost to the Bills.  Everyone on the planet knew that was going to happen.  I read a fantasy football projection that said something like LeSean McCoy was expected to “run for 768 yards and 14 touchdowns”.   The Browns would not have been able to stop the Bills even if the […]

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