The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Browns Redesigned Helmet


Well, this is a game changer…  Like most of you I am completely blown away by the Browns new look.  I have already boxed up all my old Browns gear as it is now completely worthless.  The new look makes anything made prior to this moment obsolete.  Wearing an old Browns jersey to a game now would be like showing up in an Abe Lincoln stovetop hat while on a giant wheeled bicycle.  To even risk wearing an old fashioned jersey like a “Brian Hoyer” would be like showing up for a job interview in a polyester plaid suit with extra wide tie.  Barkevious Mingo jerseys are now as quaint and old timey as a pair of knickers.  As soon as I am finished typing this, I am going to shoot over to the Team Shop and get all geared up with this shocking and mind blowing new look Browns merchandise.  It’s an exciting time to be a Browns fan.

The Browns have an amazing ability to disappoint their fans.  Really, if there was one trait that the Browns do better than anyone else in the NFL it’s “disappoint”.  I don’t know if it is part of the collective team culture, or if it’s more like something that seeps from the ground water into the very cells of team employees.  They really know how to let fans down in ways that are always new, innovative, and totally unexpected.  Yet, despite doing almost everything wrong, fans come back for more.

It’s not really that the team needed a redesign of the helmet.  The one thing the team has going for it is a long tradition of maintaining a legion of suckers that root for the guys in the orange helmets despite how disastrously this effort always ends.  Why change a thing?  Yet, NFL teams can’t help but try to make these down periods in their year eventful.  Someone circled this date on a calendar, noted the comfortable distance between the Super Bowl and Draft and said, “We need a sponsorable media event right here.”   Also, without question, most of the worker bees that had to execute this ill-fated media event spoke in hushed whispers in the hallways saying things like, “We’re going to look like assholes after making a big deal about a new helmet and then revealing THIS…”.  However, most of these same worker bees also probably tripped over themselves to offer up praise in the meetings leading up to this little PR debacle in efforts to appear “on board with the mission”.  Things like “that’s a fresh look” and “the fans are gonna love it as much as I do, Skip!” were probably said to the rolling eyes of others.

I’d feel bad for the Browns if they weren’t the ones that created the entire situation.  It’s not like they were quietly updating the uniform and someone said, “Hey?  Is that a slightly different shade of orange?”.  Nope.  They trumpeted this thing like it was a major announcement, as if a slightly brighter helmet is going to make the fan base forget that they have no QB going into the season.  They should have had a hypnotist do the press conference.  “You are getting very sleepy…  Do not stare at the bust draft pick in group therapy… Look at this shiny new helmet… Yes… Yes… Now, when you wake, you will re-new your season tickets…  Give me your credit card number…” .

Go Browns.
-Greg Miller
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Posted by on Feb 24 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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