The DEFEND Cleveland Show

Browns Draft Preview 2015

2015 Browns Draft Preview


I stand on the mountain top and praise Jesus that the NFL draft is this week.  If I had to listen to another minute of discussion on the inevitability of the Tampa Bay Bucs drafting QB and future public relations fiasco Jameis Winston, I thought I might lose my mind.  While several hundred players will get tossed into the NFL meat grinder this Spring, the only ones garnering any conversation are Winston and Mariotta.  Even better, it is the exact same conversation every day and has been since November 2014.  The cable sports news cycle must be fed, and this bone has had all the meat chewed off.  Thank the heavens that Tim Tebow got signed by the Eagles.  At least they could talk about that for a minute.

Locally I have enjoyed watching the Browns pretend that they have the QB situation completely in hand, despite having absolutely no one qualified to play the most important position on the team.  The organization has taken a firm position of “trust us, we know what the fuck we are doing” despite almost no evidence to back that attitude up.  Each press conference leading up to the draft they appear to intimate that they will somehow pull a rabbit out of the hat and bring in Heisman winning QB Marcus Mariotta.  I find this very interesting as multiple teams with what appear to be more valuable chips are also trying to deal into that game.  The Browns though continue to slide into the draft with a smug vibe that I can’t seem to get a handle on.  What is it that they think they know?  They are aware that at QB they have a career journeyman at the end of the line, an apparent bust just coming out of rehab, and a sketchy backup heading into a season where they get to play one of the toughest schedules in the league, right?  Am I the only one alarmed at this?

The best part of the draft is that no matter who teams take they will pretend it is the guy they wanted all along, as if they fleeced the rest of the league with their cunning misinformation campaign and keen insight into whatever stiff they took at #1.  Last year the Browns somehow managed to bungle getting Sammy Watkins and Teddy Bridgewater, ended up with Gilbert and Manziel and thought they struck gold.  Hell, they are still pretending those guys are going to be kick-ass.   It has been so long since the Browns have landed an impact skill position player in the first round, I have already written off whoever they end up with as a bust.  The only players they seem to be able to identify are big white offensive lineman like Thomas and Mack, who I keep hearing are great.  This is despite the fact that the Browns have never been able to run the ball with any consistency and whatever terrible QB that is in the game is generally running for his life.

In just a few days we will all get to enjoy the post draft analysis from the “experts” that will proclaim certain teams as winners and others as losers.  In my opinion, here’s all you need to know about the draft.

1 – The Raiders will reach and draft a receiver no one ever heard of that runs really fast but can’t actually play football.

2 – The Steelers and Ravens will somehow draft All-Pro impact players at every round, re-stocking themselves to pound the Browns for the next decade.  Browns fans can look forward to seeing these players mentioned in future game broadcasts with such commentary as “The Browns passed on this future Steeler Hall of Famer to draft Kelvin Jenkins, who lasted just one season in the NFL and is now a strength coach at Grambling”.

3 – The Browns will make a variety of draft day trades, somehow have less picks than they started out with, and get a guy they didn’t really want about 17 picks too early.  They will pretend they pulled a coup though, and that’s fun for everyone.

4 – The Eagles Chip Kelly will be lauded as a “genius” after the draft even if he trades all their picks for a crate of “Die Hard 4” DVDs and Gerard Warren.

5 – Whatever grade Mel Kiper gives to various teams means nothing as he doesn’t know more than anyone else.  It’s his confident veneer that fools you.  Well, that and all previous draft grades from prior years are scrubbed clean off the internet to avoid any culpability.  I challenge you to find his notes from the 2012 draft.  Good luck.

In just a few days this will all be over.  Millions of us will watch a TV show of film clips of college players we have never heard of, pretend that the announcers actually know about the tackle from Boston College they are waxing on about, and then jump to immediate conclusions on these players we don’t know.  The key is to get all worked up about a player that you didn’t know even existed ten minutes prior.   “I can’t believe we passed on the safety from Texas Tech!  Fucking Browns…”  Sadly, for Browns fans this will probably be the best day of the 2015 season.

Go Browns.

-Greg Miller
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Posted by on Apr 27 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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