The DEFEND Cleveland Show

A Voice Of Reason


We have reached the inevitable portion of each Browns season where the stark reality of utter hopelessness settles in like a thick fog.  At this point in the year, the only questions are really how bad is this current Browns team versus other shit teams from their hallowed past?  All these crappy teams just sort of blend together into a fecal stew of grim failure.  Who would you take?  The 2006 Browns captained by Romeo Crennel/Charlie Frye or this team?  How about the 2009 “Mangenius” Browns led by receiving threat Mohamed Massaquoi versus this current awful collection of “professional football players”?  Really, what’s the difference?  It’s hard to even remember where one failed “regime” started and the next failure began.  This situation is completely hopeless.  Once again, I suggest the team shutter operations and stop this madness.  Football just isn’t for them.  They cannot do it.

I have no idea what the organization should do to try and become successful.  They have assembled a group of players that only seem to have a thin grasp of how the basic rules of the game work.  I don’t know what the final numbers were, but I believe they had 117 penalties for 965 yards yesterday.  The Browns at one point after a string of flags managed to turn a first and goal at the one foot line into a first and goal in Parking Lot C.  Joe Thomas lined up next to a bratwurst cart.  It is utterly unbelievable.  The coaching staff has made no progress with the team, leading rational human beings to assume they don’t know what the fuck they are doing either.  On almost every single down a catastrophic error occurs somewhere.  

There does not appear to be any way to make professional football successful in Cleveland.  The team has now lost 235 of their last 237 games or something like that.  Mike Pettine had hair like Lenny Kravitz the last time he coached the team to a victory.  He was also wearing John Lennon round sunglasses during that victory, which were the style of the time you understand.  Free love was in the air.  Pettine did not start wearing his signature “wraparound hard ass” sunglasses until advised by style maven and ex-NFL player Greg Little some years back.  They liked to drive around together in LittIe’s camouflage sports car as I recall.  I look forward to seeing Pettine looking like a constipated bulldog while settling back into his proper role of defensive coordinator on a team like Tennessee or Jacksonville.  The team is so horribly coached, you gotta cut that guy loose.  He blows.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Pettine as he can only coach the players Farmer provided for him.  Sure, he coaches them poorly, but they also have no basic ability to work with either.  Which #1 pick is the largest bust?  Gilbert, Manziel, Shelton, or Cameron Erving?  The answer is, of course, “yes”.  Is there any reason to believe that Ray Farmer is capable of making a rational pick in the upcoming draft?  That’s the same guy that gave Dwayne Bowe $9 million dollars.  You think he will be able to get this draft right?  Why would that happen?  “Look Jimmy, I missed on these four other guys, but I’m bound to get one right sooner or later!  This time will be different!  I swear!  You have to trust me!”  These are his guys out there on the field.  It’s his roster.  Those horrible players.  He brought almost all of them in.  Farmer has got to go too.  He has shown he is unable to do the job.  That’s all there is to it.    

So then you look at the roster.  What do you have worth keeping there?  A couple of offensive linemen, Duke Johnson, Barnidge, Benjamin on offense.  Who on defense?  I don’t know.  Dansby?   Kirksey?  Kruger?  Gipson maybe.  I’d say Haden, but I don’t think he plays football professionally any longer.  I recall seeing him getting lit up by the Jets in the opener, but after that it’s murky.  The Browns defense has transitioned nicely from their reputation of being “bad against the run” to being “unable to stop anything”.  It is hard to believe that these guys were shooting their mouths off all pre season about how badass they were going to be in 2016.  Good Lord are they bad.

So here we are in November.  The team is terrible.  As always.  They have bad players acquired by a bad GM that are directed by a bad coaching staff.  What do they do now?  If they fire Pettine, the next coach still has a shitty GM bringing in stiffs.  If they fire Farmer, Pettine and his staff will fail to get results from the new roster churn.  Blow the whole thing up and go on another “5 year rebuilding plan”?  Wow, that sounds grim.  The entire thing is a pointless exercise.  Finish the season, release the players, close up Berea, and turn Browns Stadium into waterfront housing and shopping.  This is not working, has never worked, and will never work.  End it.

Go Browns.     

-Greg Miller

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Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.


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Posted by on Nov 16 2015. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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