The DEFEND Cleveland Show

The Browns, Cleveland’s “Other” Team


The Browns really have something special happening this year.  As the Indians went to the World Series and the Cavs prepared to raise a championship banner, the Browns continued their incredible march to a winless season.  My dream is simple.  I would like to see the Indians and Cavs have World Championship parades while the Browns go 0-16.  Only then can we have the frank talk necessary to disband this leaking discharge of a football team.  There is no reason why the organization can’t be sold lock, stock, and barrel to Las Vegas to drop into their doomed taxpayer funded stadium.  They can have the uniforms and the “history” too.  We don’t need that shit.  I can see Jim Brown hanging out with Pete Rose at the Caesar’s Palace Shops.  Bernie can open up a steakhouse at the Circus Circus.  I’m sure Doug Dieken would like the dry air.  “Deke it sure is hot down on the field today!  The temp is allegedly 101 degrees!”  Well Jimmy, it’s a dry heat…  Meanwhile we can just start fresh.  Who even cares what we call it?  How about The Cleveland Seagulls?  Go Gulls!  Caw!  Caw!  It has to be better than this.

Meanwhile this is what we’ve got…  I looked up from my newspaper when I saw Cody Kessler almost die on that ill-advised shovel pass.  I guess that is part of “the process”.  As it already was evident that the Browns had no chance whatsoever at stopping the previously anemic Bengal offense, I was actually a little interested in seeing what Kelly Hogan was going to do replacing Kessler at quarterback.  Normally I wouldn’t care about what a team’s sixth QB in seven games would produce, but for some reason I just wanted to see what Kelly Hogan would do.  I think it was because I had some familiarity with Kelly Hogan from somewhere I couldn’t remember.  Then I found out his name was actually “Kevin Hogan” and not “Kelly”, who it turns out is an Americana female recording artist.  That took some wind out of my sails.  Then the Bengals scored a touchdown on a Hail Mary.  That’s when I said, “screw this” and went out to rake some leaves.

I don’t really know what happened in the 3rd quarter.  I was raking.  According to the stats the Browns couldn’t tackle anyone or mount a pass rush, which is what folks in the know call the Browns “signature defense”.  AJ Green had about 786 yards receiving because Joe Haden wasn’t covering him.  Can someone look into if Joe Haden is actually considered a professional football player at this stage?  Don’t you have to actually play in games to be considered a pro football player?  Or is it enough to get a check and stand around in team logo wind pants?  

The fourth quarter was essentially unwatchable unless you have an unhealthy fascination with the girl in the AT&T mobile ads, who was on about 19 times.  The only real reason to watch was if you were concerned about the Browns mounting a late game garbage time drive to put a harpoon in the Bengals 11 point cover of the spread.  To be honest, the point of interest to watch the Browns in the fourth quarter is if you are aware of the point spread or if you foolishly drafted a Brown on your fantasy team.  The actual outcome of the game is usually wrapped up by 3:15pm or so, another loss safely in the books.  

The team looks solid right now at 0-7.  It is almost impossible to imagine a scenario in which they win a game.  I have some concern with the Jets coming to town next Sunday, as they look like a team ready to crush our dream and lose to the Browns out of principal.  The Jets are terrible, but they can’t be that terrible, can they?  I am interested in a 0-8 Browns team.  I have no interest whatsoever in a 1-7 Browns team.  We really need to go the distance on this thing.  The good news is Kevin Hogan looks a lot like a guy that is fifth on the depth chart of an 0-7 football team.  I fully expect him to get horribly mangled next week and some other QB reject or female Americana songstress will be trotted out to take his place.  Is Jeff George available?  Matt Leinart?  We are making history here.  This looks like the team I thought they could become.  One more loss and we are halfway home.  

Go Browns.  


-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at

Also check out Greg’s great country punkabilly band, The Whiskey Daredevils.


Listen to last Monday’s “The Defend Cleveland Show” by clicking here.

The DC Show with host Mike James airs live every Monday morning from 9am-1:00pm on WRUW-FM 91.1 Cleveland, and streams world wide here.

Short URL:

Posted by on Oct 23 2016. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

Leave a Reply

Log in | Designed by Gabfire themes