The DEFEND Cleveland Show

It’s Time To Prepare For The 0-16 Parade


I am en route to the west coast so the chance of me being able to watch the Browns game Sunday is almost none.  I think I would have a better chance of getting a broadcast feed of a Monsters game.  There appears to be almost no knowledge that Cleveland has a professional football team in Northern California .  They might have heard something about the team coming back in 1999 but quickly forgot about it.  The news about the Browns for these people is like hearing about someone you used to work with that you fell out of touch with that has contracted a horrible terminal illness.  “The Browns?  They’re 0-12?  Wow… I had no idea.  That’s too bad.  Maybe we should send a card or something?”
I am going to go with the assumption that the Browns will lose again.  I have a slight interest in seeing Bob Griffin 3 running around trying not to get killed.  I feel the same level of concern for his safety as I do someone that is about to try and make a dangerous motorcycle jump.  I hope for his sake he makes it but a sick demented part of me doesn’t want to miss the carnage of the crash.  I am not optimistic for his safety much less his chances of leading the team to victory.  We need this thing to go all the way to 0-16.  I hope Bob doesn’t have any histrionics in him that will destroy our community’s dream of perfection.
I have been hearing criticism from various sports talk and team apologists about this proposed 0-16 parade.  Their argument against the parade is that it would paint the city in a bad light and only dwell on past indignities.  Their fear is that the sad little spectacle of this rickety parade will live forever as a film clip to be trotted out with the burning LeBron jerseys and The Drive to portray the region as a bunch of sad sacks.  I could not disagree more.
The Browns have been lucky with the continued fan support despite being the worst major sports franchise on the planet.  A never ending carousel of aloof NFL executives have come to town with their promises of “turning it around”.  Each one of them looks into the camera and intones “we understand how hard it has been on the fans”.  They don’t understand shit.  They really don’t.  They pretend to but it is all lip service.  Then two or three years later they have moved on to their next NFL gig in another town blabbing their new party line to whatever poor saps inherited these buffoons.  Fuck those guys and fuck the Browns.
The NFL is supposed to be fun.  The Browns have shown with remarkable clarity that they are unable to provide the community with the fun of winning.  They just can’t do it.  They don’t know how and never will.  17 years of failure is not a fluke.  It is a lifestyle.  Meanwhile every year they take fans money with lofty promises they can’t possibly fulfill.  They have no real incentive to improve beyond the vague goal of winning games for pride’s sake. That business makes a fucking fortune. It makes no logical sense. They are a restaurant that somehow thrives despite fecal matter being found in the food at every health inspection.  Yet the customers come back every year.  “Let’s go eat there for Tommy’s graduation dinner.  I bet this year they figured out how to keep the poop out of the soup.”
If the fans want to have fun and at the same time attempt to shame the Browns into at least competitiveness, god bless them.  That piece of shit team wears the name of the city on it’s gear.  If the city wants to have fun while saying “you embarrass us, so try this one for size you incompetent dicks”, it’s on the Browns to change the situation.  The problem is that they can’t.  Excuse me.  I have to go build a float.
Go Browns.
-Greg Miller

Be sure to check out more insensitive stuff written by Greg Miller at

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Posted by on Dec 9 2016. Filed under Featured, Greg Miller on Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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